New play pays tribute to Mumbai's harmony despite cultural diversity
Even before the term globalisation was coined, the city of Mumbai had neighbourhoods that were multicultural and yet lived in complete harmony. Director-actor Akshay Shimpi's upcoming play Mumbai – The City United, cashes on that beautiful diversity that has now become the nerve of the city. Shimpi says, "As an artist and Mumbaikar, we love this city. It inspires us. Many artists have expressed how the city has served as their muse. Their love has found shape in their respective art form. We have compiled their literature, poems, articles, paintings, plays and songs in this play as a tribute to our beloved city." The play has stitched together songs, skits and readings of stories from the glorious past of the city's literature.
Shimpi and his team acquired works of renowned artists in various languages. When asked why he chose to go with a multilingual play, he says, "Thanks to its cosmopolitan nature, Mumbai, over the years, has developed its own language. In fact, it has its own dialect, and there's also Hindi, which is spoken across the country. Using multiple languages was one way to reflect the true spirit of the city."
Shimpi and Dhanashree Khandkar who have written and performed the play
The cast will be performing songs by yesteryear folk artists such as Vasant Bapat, Anna Bhau Sathe, Patthe Bapu Rao to name a few. Their songs talk about various historical movements in the city such as the shutting down of mills, for instance. These verses have been woven into the script that touches upon the culinary and architectural heritage, festivals and even the city's underbelly.
Shimpi believes that Mumbai is so vast and varied, everyone has a different interpretation of what the city means to them. As for him, he says, "Whenever I'm asked to describe the city, I take reference from the folktale where seven blind men were asked to describe an elephant. For someone, it was a long tube (trunk) while for someone else it was a curtain like a flap (ear). For me, Mumbai is that elephant's stomach. It is so big that it can always accommodate everyone."
When: January 27, 7 pm
Where: Mumbai Marathi Sahitya Sangh, Charni Road, Kele Wadi, Girgaon
Entry: Rs 150
Call: 9619336336
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This Israeli filmmaker is set to document Mumbai's Jewish community
Moshe Holtzberg praying with the Rabbi at Chabad House on Wednesday. Oren Rosenfeld, Israeli documentary maker, who flew with the family to Mumbai from Tel Aviv on Tuesday says the 11-year-old is aware of his past and what it represents. Pic Courtesy/Oren Rosenfeld
It's nearing 4.30 pm, and there's much activity at the Magen David Synagogue in Byculla. Carpets are being laid out and guests who will probably have to wait long are being offered tea and coffee. There's a lawn outside where - with the sun not at its shiniest best thanks to Mumbai's faux winter - a few tables and chairs have been laid out with white satin sheets that the brain registers as celebratory. In the midst of the activity, avoiding the scaffolds that still line the freshly painted blue walls of the 154-year-old synagogue, stands Devina Sankar, a Los Angeles resident who is in Mumbai on a three-week vacation. Looking into a Sony PXW-X70 handycam, she reminisces her school days spent next-door, where as a naughty student she'd often have her ears twisted. It elicits a sound of surprise from the man behind the camera, Oren Rosenfeld. An Israeli filmmaker, in India to document Mumbai's Jewish community, Rosenfeld is collecting several such accounts of the Jewish community's India experience.
In between interviews with his subjects, primarily Eddna Samuel (a Parel resident who Rosenfeld poetically calls the needle through which he will thread the narrative of his feature-length documentary), he points out that the synagogue, which is currently being prepped for the launch of a monthly magazine celebrating India-Israel ties and the Jewish community here titled, Namaste Shalom, is a Baghdadi-Jew synagogue. It's a community that most recall for its best-known Mumbai member, David Sassoon. "What's interesting here is that the Baghdadi Jews and Bene-Israelis [Jewish settlers in India who trace their history to the Lost Tribes] have come together. There are certain prayers in Judaism that cannot be conducted if there are less than 10 men. So, to fulfill that requirement, the Bene-Israelis come over to Baghdadi synagogues to up numbers," he adds.
Rosenfeld meets Baby Moshe's uncle Moshe Holtzberg at the Nariman Point home of common friend Suril Desai, also executive producer of the Mumbai Jews documentary. Moshe Senior, a Rabbi, lives in New York, and has flown in for the three-day visit of the family to Chabad House which he worked to ensure was not shut down. Rosenfeld says that while members of the Chabad House usually don’t mingle with other Jewish communities, the 26/11 attacks changed that in Mumbai, achieving the opposite. Pics/Atul Kamble
The timing of the magazine's launch, admits Rosenfeld, couldn't have been better. While the media seems to have almost given this a miss, just a few kilometres away Prime Ministers Narendra Modi and Benjamin Netanyahu are setting the stage for better economic and strategic ties between the two countries at Colaba's Hotel Taj Mahal Palace. "But, I don't think they planned it that way."
Almost as if answering a question unasked, Rosenfeld, who runs the Jerusalem-based Holy Land Productions and has worked on projects for the BBC and National Geographic, says "I don't need to be there [i.e. Colaba]. I already have great shots from yesterday." What Rosenfeld refers to is the almost exclusive access he enjoyed as a journalist to Baby Moshe, 11, whose parents Rabbi Gavriel Holtzberg and Rivka Holtzberg were killed during the terror attacks at Chabad House on November 26, 2008. Baby Moshe (referred to as such because he shares his first name with his uncle) made his first visit to Mumbai post 26/11 on Tuesday amidst much media frenzy. Rosenfeld was invited by the Holtzberg family (Gavriel and Rivka's parents) to travel with them on the flight from Tel Aviv to Mumbai last week, and later Baby Moshe's first steps into Nariman House after the time his parents were killed along with four others.
Devina Sankar, a Los Angeles resident in Mumbai on a three-week vacation, speaks to Rosenfeld outside the Magen David Synagogue in Byculla where the Namaste Shalom magazine was launched on Thursday. Pic/Sayyed Sameer Abedi
On putting the boy through this, Rosenfeld says, "Baby Moshe always has his four grandparents around him. Plus, there's a psychologist who travels with him. He is showing signs of awareness of his past." Rosenfeld, who has a young son the same age as Moshe, says, "In Judaisim, a boy is said to become an adult at the age of 13, which is when the Bar Mitzvah is held. Moshe is almost that age now."
Initially, shy, Baby Moshe soon became comfortable with Rosenfeld's presence. A photograph the filmmaker picks from his iOS gallery is of the child standing before a luggage conveyor belt at Mumbai T2 alone. "He stepped away from his grandparents and waited at the carousel to pick up his heavy bag," he says, about a symbolic scene.
Chabad House, says the 41-year-old filmmaker, across the world has represented a community that has stood away from local communities. "They are more traditional and have stricter kosher rules." What the Mumbai attacks did, however, was to bring all of the city's Jews together. "On Tuesday, at a local Jewish community event, Moshe's grandparents were invited to speak. This [members of a Chabad House mingling] doesn't happen anywhere. If the idea of the terror attack was to shake the community, it did the opposite. It only made them stronger."
Yet, this might only inform a small part of the documentary. Had it not been for the connection between the communities forged after the attacks, the two would have been separate entities. What he is looking for is a Mumbai Jew's life in the city. "In Israel you have a lot of Jews who have come from different countries. However, the ones from India still share a deep connect with the country. They are in touch with their families and return here for vacations."
The travel back and forth is important. Samuel, when the camera is turned away from her, expresses how a multi-entry visa would help everyone. But that's for the PMs' ears. For Rosenfeld's camera, she talks about the excitement of seeing an article, on her life and her community, appearing in Namaste Shalom. And, when that's done, Rosenfeld disappears into the sidelines and records the rest of the evening. A coffee he was drinking is hastily put to rest on the floor as a BJP dignitary he probably doesn't recognise makes a late entry.
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This year, Dhaka Art Summit is set to address contemporary issues of Bangladesh
Studies in Form-Akbar Bhavan-20 from a series of cyanotype prints by artist Seher Shah and photographer Randhir Singh
A Summit can be anything you want it to mean, and we re-define it every time. Just when you think you have figured it out, we alter our course. You might think you know what the 2020 Dhaka Art Summit might look like, but we hope to add further surprise," says Diana Campbell Betancourt. At the age of 33, Betancourt is the third time artistic director of one of Asia's most important art events, the Dhaka Art Summit, set to open on February 2. Betancourt, who used to be based out of Mumbai, has been at the fore of bringing contemporary voices in art from Asia to the biennial event, which is now in its fourth edition. Joined by guest curators, Betancourt has brought over 300 artists across 10 curated exhibitions. We ask her what's different this time. Edited excerpts from the interview:
Bangladesh as centre
2017 was an important year as it marked 70 years of independence for both India and Pakistan. In 1947, however, what is now Bangladesh was still effectively a colony of Pakistan. Usually viewed as the poorer younger brother of these two countries, we saw the need to put Bangladesh back at the centre of its cartography. We want to shift the narrative away from India-Pakistan. We are looking at the trade and cultural connections that Bangladesh had with the Middle East and Southeast Asia, rather than only looking at South Asia. There are fewer Indian artists this time around, and we have more artists from Thailand and Myanmar and Singapore as we've shifted our focus further east. The Summit is not a nationalist exercise, so we are able to address the slippages across borders. We are also exhibiting one of Mrinalini Mukherjee's hemp sculptures in Bangladesh for the first time, through the support of the Kiran Nadar Museum of Art and the Mrinalini Mukherjee Foundation, which draws connections to Bangladesh via the jute and textile trades which interlink its history with the rest of the world.
Diana Campbell Betancourt. Pic/Noor Photoface
Making more room
This time we have extended the Summit from four days to nine. There was a lot of local demand the last time. We saw 1,38,000 visitors in 2016. This year, we have split the weekends for different kinds of crowds.
Special focus on Sri Lanka
We believe that just as Bangladesh is left out of global dialogue, Sri Lanka is even more excluded. The show, titled One Hundred Thousand Small Tales, is curated by Sharmini Pereira, and has 40 artists right from the 1940s to the present.
Headed in the right direction
The Solo Projects section, which used to invite commissions from leading artists in the region, is replaced by Bearing Points. I felt that the Solo Projects didn't intellectually tie together everything we do in the Summit. The exhibition is curated by me, and the title refers to a compass, to a map that helps you orient yourself to lesser explored transcultural histories of the region.
Going back to school
The Summit has always been known for its workshops. This edition will have a free art school, with sessions conducted by artists such as Rashid Rana and Dayanita Singh, among others. It will be right at the middle of the summit, emphasising that culture is a key part to keeping people secular.
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Linsey Pollak: Music is all around us
Pollak with a bagpipe made with rubber gloves
"This is my first time in India, so I'm very excited. I don't know much about the country. I plan to travel to Udaipur after performing in Mumbai," says Australian musician and instrument maker Linsey Pollak, 66, who is one of the speakers at the eighth edition of TEDx Gateway, to be held on February 4 in the city. He speaks about his love for creating music from the unlikeliest of objects.
The carrot clarinet
How did the idea of creating musical instruments with vegetables and household objects come about?
It all started at a performance called Out Of The Frying Pan many years ago. I was 19 then, and I created 40 different musical instruments out of various things. I wanted to use food, so I used a watermelon, carrots, and potatoes. The carrot clarinet, which has become popular over the years, came about because of a friend, who was putting up a concert, asked, "Can you come up with something new for the performance?" I put on my thinking cap and the shape of a carrot popped up. Though it wasn't a tube, it was a potential tube.
You have recorded 34 albums. Did any of those feature music played on the instruments you created?
The 34 albums have all been of different types of music. But the one that features these instruments is called Mrs Curly And The Norwegian Smoking Pipe. It was recorded in 2014. I played 15 different pieces on instruments that I invented - the saxcello, guidanet, glass-based clarinet, carrot clarinet, and an instrument I call the aluminium narrow bow clarini.
Is there a deeper message that you wish to convey?
Yes, there is a strong philosophy to what I do. And that is: there is music all around us, and we are all musicians. By showing people how simple instruments are and how they can make their own instruments, I encourage them to be creators of music rather than consumers.
What is your most bizarre creation?
I have done quite a few. Mr Curly is a contra-based clarinet with a deep, funky sound, because it's an amplified, electro-acoustic instrument. I guess the various vegetable instruments could be considered bizarre. For example, a potato with bamboo skewers stuck into it to create a kind of bass piano or bass kalimba. I have also created a bagpipe out of a condom. Some people might find that outrageous, but the sound is not.
Have you ever failed on stage?
We were in Switzerland for a performance. At a bio-dynamic farm and restaurant there, they asked if I could make a sound from a bio-dynamically grown beetroot. It was spectacularly unsuccessful. Also, once I was putting a bamboo skewer through a carrot, but it went right through the carrot, and into my hand. So, I had this embarrassing situation of blood pouring everywhere. I had to go off stage to get rid of the blood. There were also a couple of times when my rubber glove bagpipe burst.
What was the first sound from a regular object that caught your attention? How does one find music in the mundane objects?
I can't remember what the first sound was. One needs to have a sense of curiosity, not take things for granted and let go of expectations. All these are related.
What advice do you have for those who dare to dream different ?
I'm lucky to be making a living from doing something I love. That's because I knew what I wanted to do and followed that over the years. My advice is: just follow your dream. It's the journey that is important and not the destination.
What are your plans for your performance in Mumbai?
I will be using six instruments made from household objects; everything from dustpans and brooms to A4 papers. These instruments will be turned into clarinets. Rubber gloves will be used to play the bagpipe and irrigation pipes will be turned into pan pipes. I'll be combining these instruments using a process called live looping, where I record what I am doing. For example, I'm going to have a bass line that is played with the dustpan and the paper clarinet will be playing melody lines.
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Style tips: Ace the winter look like these Bollywood celebs
Pick a long jacket with a subtle sheen like Kareena Kapoor Khan to add glamour to your evening. Unlike the actor, you might want to wear something more than a bralet. pic courtesy/instagram.com/ eshaamiin1
<< The world is moving towards knowing what fabric they choose to wear. Check the labels to see the composition to gauge the fabric. Several high street labels sell apparel made from synthetic and plastic fibres that aren't sustainable, and neither keep you warm nor cool. << Cotton and other natural fabrics are the key to layering in Mumbai. A trench coat, which usually is considered heavy, when made with cotton will offer just the right amount of warmth. Slip on a cotton trench coat on a dress or jeans. Or layer in cotton, for example — wear a singlet, a cotton top over it, and a jacket made of natural fibres as the outermost layer.
<< Quilted cotton jackets make for a good choice as you move from AC to non-AC areas and you need to wear a fabric that doesn't make you feel cold or hot. Avoid heavy fabrics such as woollens, as you are bound to break into a sweat. A fabric to try is hemp; it adapts well.
<< Carry a stole that will help cover your neck or head if you don't wish to lug around more garments.
<< Wear a long printed or silk jacket, on a dress and belt it. Keep one separate as a statement piece with the rest as basics. Also try a poncho instead of a jacket.
<< Pair a saree with a long, light trench. Wear a shawl jacket on your blouse with a saree.
<< You can even opt for a high neck, full-sleeved top as a blouse.
Inputs by Tanya Sharma, fashion designer and stylist
Wear an embellished jacket over a sleek tunic-and-pants combo for a winter wedding or a glam night out. pic/PTI
Ditch the clichéd cold shoulder top and opt for an off-shoulder cardigan, like Neha Dhupia. Pic/Bipin Kokate
Match your layer with your accessories, be it a bag or shoes, for a striking appearance. Pic/Falguni Agrawal
Belt a jacket over your saree and play with its drape like Kajol, for a twist in your desi look. Pic/Sameer Markande
Anushka Sharma gets layering right with an unbelted light trench coat paired with jeans and slip-ons
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Dogs understand what we say and how we say it: study
London: Dog owners, take note! Your pet pooch may not only comprehend the words that you speak, but also how you say them, a new study suggests.
Researchers have found that dogs have the ability to distinguish vocabulary words and the intonation of human speech through brain regions similar to those that humans use.
Representational Picture
Attila Andics from Eotvos Lorand University in Hungary said that vocabulary learning "does not appear to be a uniquely human capacity that follows from the emergence of language, but rather a more ancient function that can be exploited to link arbitrary sound sequences to meanings."
Words are the basic building blocks of human languages, but they are hardly ever found in nonhuman vocal communications.
Intonation is another way that information is conveyed through speech, where, for example, praises tend to be conveyed with higher and more varying pitch. Humans understand speech through both vocabulary and intonation.
Andics and colleagues explored whether dogs also depend on both mechanisms.
Dogs were exposed to recordings of their trainers' voices as the trainers spoke to them using multiple combinations of vocabulary and intonation, in both praising and neutral ways.
For example, trainers spoke praise words with a praising intonation, praise words with a neutral intonation, neutral words with a praising intonation, and neutral words with neutral intonation.
Researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to analyse the dogs' brain activity as the animals listened to each combination.
The results show that, regardless of intonation, dogs process vocabulary, recognising each word as distinct, and further, that they do so in a way similar to humans, using the left hemisphere of the brain.
Also like humans, the researchers found that dogs process intonation separately from vocabulary, in auditory regions in the right hemisphere of the brain.
Lastly, and also like humans, the team found that the dogs relied on both word meaning and intonation when processing the reward value of utterances.
Thus, dogs seem to understand both human words and intonation. The researchers noted that it is possible that selective forces during domestication could have supported the emergence of the brain structure underlying this capability in dogs, but, such rapid evolution of speech-related hemispheric asymmetries is unlikely.
Humans are only unique in their ability to invent words, they said. The research appears in the journal Science.
Except for the headline, the story has not been edited by mid-day online. This story is taken from a syndicated feed & is published on AS IS basis.
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Matt Preston: India is bang on trend
Matt Preston likes to dress and stand out in the crowd, and over the nine seasons of food reality show MasterChef Australia, we've seen his dapper style evolve. A flamboyant dresser, he exuded elegance this season with his well-cut suits and tasteful cravats. The 55-year-old journalist and food writer juggles writing and television with equal élan, calling the former his "happy place". "I love nothing more than sharing my adventures in food, whether from my own kitchen or around the world, in recipes and stories. I worked that out with my newspaper and magazine columns plus five cookbooks, last year I wrote my 2,000,000th word about food! Three million here I come!"
The balance, he says, is simple as there is so much waiting when making a TV show, that it gives him the time to write while filming. "Then I travel for five months when we aren't filming," he tells us in an email interview. Edited excerpts:
Matt Preston
Your connection with India is strong. Which Indian chefs do you admire? Any particular dish that makes your mouth water?
So much of the great food I've enjoyed around India is from street stalls and holes in the wall, where the chef doesn't have a PR team, a cookbook or his/her own line of branded chutneys! Largely, I enjoy these simpler places better than the fancy ones. I do, however, try and enjoy the company of Manu Chandra whenever I'm
in India.
Where does Indian cooking stand on the global platform?
Indian cuisine in undoubtedly one of the world's great cuisines and stands proudly alongside the likes of French or Italian in that ranking. The way India is embracing unique, indigenous and wild ingredients — like the gongura I enjoyed in Hyderabad or the kachampuli vinegar I fell in love with in the south west — it's bang on trend. Indian cuisine is also receiving new global prominence, thanks to the explosion of interest in vegan and vegetarian food around the world. With this in mind, Gary [Mehigan, fellow judge] came back from his most recent trip to India raving about fresh green chickpeas and green sorghum; something we seldom see here but which could easily find a place in my kitchen.
Tell us about the creative process of setting the challenges on the show.
A crew of over 200, including a department of challenge producers, is responsible for this. We look for challenges that seem impossible but are achievable, so when accomplished, the excitement, pride and pleasure of the contestants is palpable. This means that a pressure-test dish might be cooked a dozen times to ascertain how long the contestant should be given to achieve it.
What are some of the funny off-the-camera incidents that occurred this season?
Our trip to Japan was a lot of fun. As was spending the week with [Israeli-British chef] Yotam Ottolenghi. Most of the anecdotes are scurrilous, so you'll have to wait for my autobiography!
How did you get into food writing?
A friend gave me a restaurant review column as she knew I was a good cook and had written a column back [about life, music, the arts and politics] in the UK.
How different was food writing back then?
Very much. In many ways, I was once like you are now, I was young but I was happy. I'm still happy but much older and wiser!
What was your first job?
I made tea at the offices of the UK's biggest tea importer. I had a rickety trolley and in a radical move, introduced coffee for the first time.
The show airs Monday to Friday at 9 pm on Star World.
This photographer is requesting strangers in Mumbai to smile for ongoing project
On a Wednesday morning, the cottages that line St Roques Road in Bandra bask in the winter sun. The lane is quiet, except for the occasional bark of a pet or scooters zooming off into the nearby Ranwar village. As a taxi driver wipes the dust off his kaali peeli, Jay Weinstein approaches him with a camera in tow. He doesn't ask for his name, ethnicity or life story; only for a couple of photographs. Seeing him puzzled, the Australian-origin photographer breaks into crisp Hindi, "Main kahin bhi jaata hoon, anjaane logon ki tasveer banata hoon [Wherever IâÂÂÂÂgo, I make images of strangers]."
Hearing the familiar language, the driver is game to play the subject. First, he's asked to wipe the expression off his face and stand next to his cab. Satisfied with the shot, Weinstein tells him, "Ab muskuraiye [now smile]," and captures his wide grin on camera. The interaction lasts only for a few minutes but we spot the driver smiling even after Weinstein's DSLR is back in his bag.
Jay Weinstein documents the smile of a taxi driver in Bandra. Pics/Bipin Kokate
This connection forms the essence of the 38-year-old's ongoing photography project, So I Asked Them to Smile (SIATS). Over the last two years, Weinstein has shared 250 portrait pairs - non-smiling and smiling frames of kids and adults from all walks of life - on digital platforms. Next week, he will display 30 most compelling frames for the first time at an exhibition.
The photographer shows the images he takes to each subject
The backstory
It was a trip to Bikaner in 2013 that gave birth to this project. When Weinstein raised the camera to photograph a man with a wispy beard, he was greeted with a stern look. Miffed, he turned away, only to hear the man urging him to take his picture. "We make judgments about strangers in binaries as friendly-unfriendly or good-bad. These are rarely accurate. The idea is to change the way we view a stranger, and see how their smile changes our assumptions," says the US-born photographer, who spent his growing up years in Vrindavan, studied recreational sports coaching in Australia and returned to Mumbai in 2004 to pursue acting.
"He was jumping around in the water with a friend one afternoon, as I wandered down Juhu Beach," says the photographer
Soon, he ventured into advertising, and rekindled his love for travel and photography. "It gave me a reason to notice things that we walk past, and start conversations with strangers,"âÂÂÂÂsays Weinstein, who considers the art meditative. "The calmer you are, the more of the outside world you notice."
"She was exploring the stunningly restored Kaiyuan temple complex one evening, with her daughter in Quanzhou, Fujian, China"
Say cheese
For the last few years, he has turned a full-time traveller and spends most of his time in India. "I love Mumbai but when you step out, you realise how different the rest of India is," shares Weinstein, who has visited Meghalaya, the interiors of Maharashtra, Orchha in Madhya Pradesh and the coast of Kerala, where he found his subjects to be camera-shy. "In rural areas, I also had to translate 'smile' as 'daat dikhaao' since they don't understand the meaning of muskurana."
Language also poses a barrier in non-English speaking countries. "In China, instead of 'say cheese', they say 'chetz', which means eggplant," he laughs. What's the next country on his wishlist? "Pakistan. The project's initial followers were Pakistanis. I assumed they wouldn't be happy seeing these photographs but realised where else would they have seen images of Indians as humans, without an agenda. Indians don't get to see their photographs this way either."
From: December 20 to 26, 11 am to 7 pm
At: Jehangir Art Gallery, Kala Ghoda
Call: 8828472412
Go click-happy here
>> Homi Modi Street in Fort
>> Industrial estates in Lower Parel
>> Village neighbourhoods like Chuim and Chimbai in Bandra West
Portrait-making tips
While there is enough information about how to get your technique right, I'd suggest you interact with your subjects and treat them with dignity
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Punjabi Dalit rapper's offbeat style has made her a youth sensation
Ginni Mahi must have been in Std VIII or IX when she first became aware of the divisive nature of the caste system. A girl in her class had asked her which caste she belonged to and Mahi did not know what to say. The Mahis constitute nearly 40 per cent of the scheduled caste population of Jalandhar, her hometown. The 19-year-old grew up on stories about Dr BR Ambedkar, the founder of the Indian Constitution and the teachings of Guru Ravidas, who led the Bhakti movement in Punjab in the 15th century. Theirs is, as her father Rakesh Chandra Mahi calls it, an "Ambedkarite family". It's no surprise, therefore, that both Ambedkar and Guru Ravidas have become a mainstay in Mahi's songs, which, over the past year has catapulted her into a bestselling Punjabi rapper, even earning her the tag of a "Punjabi Dalit rapper".
Ginni Mahi
The tag, however, doesn't agree with Mahi. Even though in her videos the singer wears a definite rapper swag, be it in a leather jacket or a patiala suit, she says her genre cannot be called that. "It is definitely a fusion between Western beats and Punjabi style, but I am not sure if you can call it rap," says the singer who performed in Mumbai for the first time yesterday at a congregation of women speakers. Mahi, who did her first live show when she was 12, knew from a very early age that she wanted to do "something to fight inequality in society". "Since I could sing, I had all these dreams, of doing live and reality shows. I was very little but I was already shooting for the stars," she smiles. While she has brought in a unique style to talk of the life and times of Dr Ambedkar, she was sure that it would work, even though no one had tried it before. "We have a team of lyricists who work hard to figure what should go, and more importantly, what should be dropped from a song. Addressing sensitive subjects like inequality and untouchability is always tricky territory. There has been an overwhelming amount of support, and some negative feedback too. But if there is no criticism, there can be no improvement," says the singer who performed in Mumbai for the first time yesterday at 'We The Women', a congregation of women speakers.
Ginni with her father Rakesh Chandra Mahi
Even though this is her first visit to Mumbai, Mahi could barely make time to look around. "My second year finals are on, I have an exam on Monday," says the singer who is pursuing graduation in music, from HMV College in Jalandhar. "Studies are my priority, I want to do my masters, and then my dream is to do my PhD in music. A doctor heals people with his knowledge in medicine. I want to know music so well, that one day I am able to heal people with music," she says. In terms of her singing career, Bollywood, of course is the dream. "I want to be a playback singer here, much like my idols Lata Mangeshkar, Shreya Ghoshal and Sunidhi Chauhan."
A still from her hit song, Fan Baba Sahib Di
While Mahi's music wants to break the shackles of inequality, that she herself has earned the tag of a Dalit rapper is an irony she just might have to live with. "My message is humanity, to erase caste politics. No one, especially artists, should be bound by class or caste. Such a tag, even though it has earned me fame, beats the purpose. But then, that is how the world works, in labels. We have entwined ourselves in all kinds of borders that separate us from each other."
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Which Hindi word will make it to the Oxford dictionary in 2017?
So far, 70 Indian words have made their entry into the Oxford dictionary, including jugaad, natak and chup along with desi delicacies such as gulab jamun and keema. Last month, the Oxford Dictionaries decided to go ahead and announce its decision to include another Hindi word, this time something that resonates with 2017. It can be a word or a phrase that reflects the mood and preoccupations of the year. It called on Hindi speakers across the country to help in the task. Following suggestions from the people, the word will be chosen by the Hindi Dictionaries team at Oxford University Press (OUP) along with an advisory panel of language experts, next month. We, at Sunday mid-day, decided to do our bit, by reaching out to people connected to the language to share their top nominations.
AADHAAR
Picked by: Varun Grover,
comedian and writer of Masaan
A word that was supposed to instill faith in the citizens, has become an irritant at best, given the constant threats by banks and phone companies [to link bankc accounts,etc. to Aadhaar]. It gets worse because of the impending invasion of privacy it so arrogantly wants. What's left is us waiting for it to be linked to the atmosphere so that oxygen supply to non-complying citizens can also be cut off.
MAST
Picked by: Ishita Moitra,
dialogue writer for Noor, Half Girlfriend
I looked up the meaning of 'mast' in the Oxford dictionary and it said, a tall upright post, spar, or other structure on a ship or boat, in sailing vessels generally carrying a sail or sails. Certainly not, what Akshay Kumar had in mind when he sang to Raveena Tandon in Mohra. So I decided that mast would be my submission. It's an pan-India word. It simultaneously means cool, awesome, sexy, entertaining, and indicates a state of happiness and ecstasy. It can also be used to describe everything from Virat Kohli's shot, to the new Varun Dhawan film or a spirited aunty at a sangeet function. Originally a Persian word that means intoxicated, mast was usually used to denote a state of spiritual euphoria. Now, it is often used to signify someone who is high on life. The slowdown of the economy, censorship, the rise of extremism - 2017 has been dark, and we are in dire need of some mast-ness.
DHAAKAD
Picked by: Ian Ibex,
Hindi rapper
Dhaakad is used for someone who is powerful and strong, someone people are afraid of even. This year we have seen hordes of women take on sexual offenders. Whether it was through a Facebook or Twitter post or the #metoo campaign, there was a certain fearlessness associated with responding to sexual harassment. This bravado was the highlight of 2017.
SAAL GAYA EK, SHABD GAYE ANEK
Picked by: Dr Madan Meena,
folklorist and editor of The People's Linguistic Survey of India
I pick this phrase because I believe language dies gradually with the death of its vocabulary. Due to the imposition of dominant languages of commercial or political importance, minor languages die a lonely death. This year has witnessed growing support for Hindi to be scheduled as a national language. In contrast, I remember people like Shamshuddin Neelgar of Sawai Madhopur (Rajasthan), the dyer who passed away this year at the age of 95. With him, the names of more than two dozen colour shades and the technical words associated with his profession, in the Talheti language, are gone forever. Neither Hindi, nor any other dominant language can substitute them.
GST
Picked by: Kumud Chaware,
former political editor
Nobody, not even Hindi publications and regional newspapers, refer to it as 'vastu evam seva kar' which is the Hindi word for GST. If I look back, GST set the mood for 2017, and people began talking about it like it was a hurricane set to rip us apart. For instance, it was common to hear people say, “GST aane wala hai, yeh khareed lo; GST aane wala hai, wahan chale jao”, irrespective of whether you were aware of what it entailed. Funnily, most of us still haven't been able to wrap our head around whether this tax is beneficial or not.
TANASHAHI, ZULM AUR MANMANI
Picked by: Nadira Babbar,
theatre actor and producer of Hindi theatre This year, we saw so many arbitrary decisions taken by the government. While demonestisation was announced at the end of 2016, its effects were experienced right until now. If that wasn't enough, they rolled out GST which has disrupted the common man's life. Milk, which you earlier got for Rs 17, now costs Rs 28. We are suffering, because somebody in power has taken decisions without thinking through their consequences. This amounts to tanashahi, manmani.
JHUNJNA
Picked by: Qais Jaunpuri,
Writer and man behind popular storytelling show Aao Kahein Dil Ki Baat
The people of this country were already facing trouble because of the effects of demonetisation, but like a cherry on the cake, the government launched GST. It disrupted our lives. Moroever, cow politics took its worst form. We continue to see innocent people live in fear of violence. You never know what is coming your way, so you have be prepared for the worse and we must all be prepared to 'tackle'.
JUNOON
Picked by: Prateek Kuhad,
singer-songwriter known for bilingual lyrics
People around the world are uniting to fight racial segregation, gender inequality and support refugee rehabilitation. We still have a long way to go to entirely uproot these problems, and we find enough people on the other side of the fence disagreeing with what we say. Yet, it's inspiring to see a sizeable section of the people, of various genders, cultures, nationalities and race, come together to voice their opinion, and strive for a more evolved value system. These people are not driven by individual leaders, but by mass empathy for a cause. So, I pick the word junoon.
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Aati Kya Khandala's tapori lyricist survives health scare, bounces back
In 1996, when lyricist Nitin Raikwar dropped by on the set of Aamir Khan's Ghulam, on the recommendation of actor and filmmaker Neeraj Vora, it was to craft gimmicky dialogues for Khan's next film, Sarfarosh. "They wanted me to write funny shayaris for one of the characters in the film," he says. The shoot was at Sanpada in Navi Mumbai, and due to a technical snag, the crew had plenty of time to kill. "I noticed that Aamir was relatively free at that point, so I went up to him and requested that he give one of the songs I had written a listen. He heard it, and immediately called director Vikram Bhatt. They both thought the song was unusual but nice," recalls Raikwar. That song was Aati Kya Khandala, eventually sung by Khan himself, becoming a number that would make it to every Bambaiyya Hindi song list after.
Nitin Raikwar, sought to capture the mood of Goa. Pic/Satej Shinde
Raikwar went on to continue to use the slang in some of his memorable songs including Apun Bola Tu Meri Laila from Josh (2000), Excuse Me Kya Re from Style (2001) and the iconic Khallas from Ram Gopal Varma's Company (2002). Raikwar has also worked on children's films, and penned lyrics for Chota Chetan (1998), Jajantaram Mamantaram (2003) and others like Pyar Tune Kya Kiya (2001), Aankhein (2002) and Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon (2003). "I think what worked for me at that point was the novelty factor. People dig variety. For instance, we may love our vada pav, but when the burger made an entry in early 2000, we started queuing up for it. It's the same with songs," he says. These days, Raikwar is working on his debut album for which he has collaborated with Shrikant Ahire, one of Maharashtra's foremost shadow dancers. He plans to release a single from it next month. The song is called Khan Sahab Apne Ladke Ko Sambhal. "I thought I'd write in a manner that people identify with. I can't write in a flowery and larger-than-life way. It's not me."
Apun Bola from Josh, which was written by Nitin Raikwar
Writing in tapori language was a skill that Raikwar developed after he moved to Mumbai from Pune in 1987. By then, he had already tried his hand at singing in orchestras, something his father wanted him to do since he was a successful show organiser. "But I didn't see myself singing in orchestras all my life. I was aware of the risk and struggle involved in Bollywood, but I was adamant to make it," he says. With little money to spend, Raikwar's story reads like that of so many others who move to Mumbai from smaller towns to try their luck. "When a man is struggling, he spends time with people who are like him. So I would sit at chai tapris and talk to rickshawallas, drivers and daily wage labourers. Because I'm talkative and an extrovert by nature, I could strike up a conversation with just about anyone. That's how I picked up the slang," he says. Even when he didn't have projects, Raikwar would write and seek feedback from his friends, some of whom were already working in the film industry as supporting actors. And it's through their assistance that he finally met Anil Kapoor on the sets of Ladla. "I consider that the turning point in my life.
Anil Kapoor felt I had potential and introduced me to directors and filmmakers," he says. Raikwar's first song was Teri Tirchi Nazar Main Hai Jaadoo for Anil Kapoor-starrer Loafer in 1996. But it was Aati Kya Khandala that earned him fame like no other. In fact, it helped him bag a Shah Rukh Khan film soon after. "I remember writing Apun Bola in 15 minutes after I heard the script. I wanted it to reflect Goan culture so I included words like kokum curry. You'll also find words like 'hoinga' and 'karenga', just the way a Catholic aunty would say them," he says.
In 2014, Raikwar had to put all work on the backburner for two years due to an illness. It began with bouts of headache, and he was later diagnosed with subdural hematoma of the brain. "The clots had to be removed through surgery. For a long time, I couldn't work because of the illness. I'm fine now, and hope to get back to what I do best," he says.
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Reality show winner Siddhant Sharma says he's a man made of failure
It's painfully humiliating for a 12-year-old to stand before his class during an extempore speech and fumble over words. The derision that one might invite can cripple an adolescent's confidence. But, it can also teach the child to face his demons, participate again in the same competition the next year, and then go on to win the district finals for three straight years representing his institution, which, in Siddhant Sharma's case, was a boarding school in Kurseong.
Siddhant Sharma
Ten years after that incident, Sharma has emerged as this season's winner of The Stage, a reality show that promotes western musical talent in India. This, though, was his second shot at the title, after he was unable to get past the auditions last year. Failure, in other words, seems to have been the singer's constant companion, only for him to climb every mountain that crops up in his path. "I am actually a man made of failure, so it doesn't scare me," he tells us over the phone, having just landed in Mumbai from Kolkata. He adds, "Even in life, a lot of things that I have expected haven't happened. Not all of us grow up in the greatest of situations, but the worst thing a rocker can do is give up. [Rock music] is about fighting failures. So, if I can do it in life, music and competitions are nothing for me to handle."
Those are strong words for a 22-year-old to utter. But Sharma comes across as someone who has truly internalised the rock 'n' roll philosophy of facing adversity with a show-me-what-you've-got swagger. He gives us an example of what that means when he says, "I have a friend who would party all the time and only listen to electronic music. She would never attend live concerts. After a bad phase, she started listening to Pink Floyd, and now she is more of a rocker [in persona] than I am, with all her locks chopped off. I mean, there was a guy who cheated on her, and she's like, 'You think I am going to cry? No. I don't give a f*ck about you or your existence.' That's rock."
One of the biggest adversities that Sharma himself faced was when his parents separated over a decade ago, a fact he had revealed in one of the later episodes of the competition. Talking about that difficult phase, he says, "I'm not a guy who speaks a lot and I anyway didn't want to trouble my mother with all of that. So, I ended up keeping things inside me, which wasn't a good thing since I developed serious anger issues. But art has always helped me. I was a painter and then I got into music, and that just let me be who I am."
Who he is now, having won the show, involves signing a contract with MTV and being flown around the country for concerts. The limelight is well and truly on him and yet, he keeps emphasising how failure is the clay that moulds a person's character. "Do you consider the people who have not got the trophy to be losers?" he asks us, before answering, "No, they are not. You never know, tomorrow they might be working in much bigger places and doing way better stuff than I am. The thing is, you have to be satisfied with doing what you're doing and yet keep trying to be better than who you are. That's really all."
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Mikey McCleary and Natalie Di Luccio, two expats in Bollywood bond over lunch
When we reach a swish Bandra restaurant at the exact hour scheduled for lunch with Natalie Di Luccio and Mikey McCleary, we find Natalie already seated there. Mikey, though, hasn't arrived yet, and this leads to inevitable jokes about 'Indian Standard Time'. But to be fair to the New Zealander, he reaches only a few minutes later and immediately hits it off with Natalie, whom he knows from before. But the two haven't met in a while, their individual projects having kept them too busy to find the time. Mikey, 48, is a composer who dabbles in Bollywood projects such as Shaitan (2011) and most recently Ribbon, which released last month. Natalie, a 28-year-old Italian-Canadian, has made a mark in Bollywood too, as a playback singer in films like English Vinglish and Chennai Express. A Hindi video in collaboration with Raghu Ram is also just around the corner. She's recovered from an appendicitis operation only a few days ago, she tells us, and explores the menu with Mikey before they settle down for an engaging conversation.
Mikey McCleary and Natalie Di Luccio at a restaurant in Bandra West. Pics/Shadab Khan
Shunashir to Natalie: How did your relationship with India begin?
Natalie: Well, I remember I was in the library in McGill (a Canadian university where she studied) around 2009 and I had all my songs on Myspace at the time. I don't know if you remember Myspace?
Shunashir: I do remember it.
Mikey: Yeah, I do too.
Natalie: So this is then, okay? And I got a message on Myspace from someone from India, who said, "Hi, we'd like you to come to India and record on this fusion album on the chakras." But the whole thing didn't make sense to me at the time. So, I said, "Thanks; yeah, maybe one day." But I didn't know who that album was by. Long story short, they messaged me again and said, "Can you do some recording for us from Canada?" and I said, "Okay." Two months later, I get back home from school in Quebec and there's a CD in the mail; it's Sonu Nigam's Maha Ganesha album, which is what I sung for!
Mikey: Wow.
Shunashir: Yeah, wow. And how was it for you, Mikey?
Mikey: My relationship with India actually began because I was born here, in Chennai. My parents were missionaries in the country, in Andhra Pradesh. But anyway, let's fast forward. I moved to New Zealand when I was five years old, did my schooling there, got into music, moved to London and got a studio there. And one day, somebody knocks on the door of the studio, some Indian fellow, and says, "Hi, I'm your new brother-in-law." And this guy is Lucky Ali.
Natalie: Oh my gosh!
Mikey: Yeah, but he hadn't released anything then, so he wasn't known as a singer. He had come to do some sort of recording in Watford and said, "Can I come in and maybe, we can do some music together?" So, I said, "Okay, come back over the weekend," and that's how we recorded a couple of songs, Oh Sanam and Sunoh.
Shunashir: ...Which kind of changed the Indi-pop game at that point of time, at least in terms of videos.
Mikey: Right. And the Oh Sanam video was shot in Cairo, at the pyramids. And the woman who was dressed in the purdah, with everyone in India wondering who this person with blue eyes in Lucky Ali's big hit song is — that's my sister!
Natalie: That's so funny, and really cool.
(The food — poached pear and blue cheese salad, grand chicken Caesar salad, meatballs in creamy sauce and pizza American — arrives)
Mikey: Have you noticed how so many Mumbai menus suddenly have watermelon and feta salad?
Natalie: I think it's a Greek combination and you're right, it's everywhere now. But the pizza in Italy (which is where part of her family is from) is totally different from the one we get in Mumbai. They have less ingredients and the main thing is always the tomato sauce. You can tell the restaurant by its tomato sauce.
Shunashir: Have you not taken to Indian food?
Natalie: No, no. It's not that. But I am fonder of North Indian food because I find that it's a little sweeter in general, all your butter chickens and navratan kormas. And I think North Indian food is pretty much what you mean by Indian food elsewhere in the world, right?
Mikey: Well, do you know what the national dish in the UK is?
Shunashir: It used to be chicken tikka masala, but I'm not so sure about now.
Mikey: I think it still is. By "national dish" they mean the most commonly ordered dish in restaurants.
Natalie: I don't know why it is, but when I'm at home here, I don't like having cooked food as much. Maybe it's the weather?
Mikey: Yeah, it could be. You'll also see that countries that are hotter actually have more chilli in their food. That's because it's counter-intuitive. Chilli kind of cools you down, and brings the heat out.
Natalie: It's so funny how that works.
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A BBC radio show proves proves Mumbai's arts' scene is nothing short of buoyant
On the stage at the majestic Royal Opera House, artistes take their seat in a semicircle for what is an unusual gathering. At the centre is British radio and television presenter Nikki Bedi, who, along with familiarising her guests with the flow of the show is also breaking the ice between participants. They are here to record The Arts Hour, a BBC radio production that goes on a tour once a month to capture the best in arts across the world. The Mumbai edition airs today.
Actor Bhumi Pednekar (with Nikki Bedi to her right) calls out the boors behind Padmavati protests. Pics/Pic/Bipin Kokate
In the city on the evening of November 22, the researchers have picked six artistes who they feel best represent the dynamic cultural scene of the city. Flanking Bedi are film critic and director of the Mumbai Film Festival Anupama Chopra, and actor Bhumi Pednekar. Seated next to them are stand-up comedian, screenwriter and novelist Anuvab Pal, and Shamir Reuben, head of content and social media at the spoken word collective, Kommune. On either side of the stage, fine-tuning their arrangements are the popular Hindi rock ensemble Anand Bhaskar Collective and pop duo from Kolkata — with a big fan following in Mumbai — Parekh & Singh in signature fruity suits. "The show is a way of seeing a people and their culture, and understanding their politics and issues through the prism of art. Stand-up comedy and spoken word are burgeoning fields in Mumbai. There is also a sea change in the kind of subjects that Indian cinema is choosing. Issues like sanitation, erectile dysfunction and fat shaming are not just making it to film, they are also managing to attract audiences into theatres," says Bedi about why it was a good time to come to Mumbai.
Nischay Parekh readies to perform the band's hit song
For this edition's research, Bedi, who was born a Moolgaokar and has roots in Mumbai, played the fact checker for producer Nicki Paxman along with providing other insider inputs. A regular feature of the show, The Culture Cab, involves the presenter hailing a cab with an artiste who then takes her around the city to explore it like a local. Though her Mumbai guide was Pal, with whom she explored the splash of global colours at the ongoing Sassoon Docks art project and the murals of Bandra, Bedi shared her favourite part of the city with him, too — Walkeshwar's Banganga.
Throughout the recording that lasted two and a half hours, the team's homework kept the conversation alive and relevant. Bedi, a natural at hosting, puts her guests at ease. It comes across in Pednekar's candour, who minces no words when asked about the ongoing controversy around Padmavati. "You know, these are people who don't give a s**t about history," she says, a word Paxman gets politely replaced at the end of the show with the milder "damn". Bedi then moves on to ask Pal and Reuben if comedy and spoken word have become popular for similar reasons and how social media has played a part. With artistes as guests, each segment packs in a performance. While Pal's jibes about SoBo residents have the audience in splits, Reuben's poetry moves many to tears. Vocalist Nischay Parekh of Parekh & Singh shares the inspiration behind their music video with a million hits, I Love You Baby, I Love You Doll, before performing it, and Anand Bhaskar shares why all his compositions are in Hindi before segueing the show to its end with a rendition of Fanaa.
An audience member comments about the need to see more everyday people in films
Rahul Baswani, who came to know of the show through Pal's tweet, is happy to have made it in the audience. "I listen to a lot of podcasts. So, the most fascinating bit for me was towards the end when they did the retakes," he says. In the green room, mutual understanding and fandom fill the air. "At the end of the day, we are all artistes, and we could feel the synergy and a shared language throughout," says Parekh, who has just promised Pal that he'll be there for his Kolkata gig the next day, even as Pal admits that the music duo is everything he would have wanted to be as a 27-year-old.
The sound engineers at work
Chopra, on the other hand, is happy that the show recognises the power of Indian cinema and how it is evolving. "Outside India, there is a fixed notion of what Bollywood is. But there is a different language [spoken] now, which most people don't know of. I am hoping that the show will communicate that." For Reuben, it has been a platform for artistic exchange. "The beauty of tonight was people might have come to watch comedy and they learnt a bit about spoken word. Or that they wanted to hear a poem and they left with music," he says. "For the BBC to say that there is something stirring in Mumbai is a statement."
Will Sanam maintain its numero uno position if it ditches the covers?
When we meet them on a windy November afternoon, the quartet that calls itself Sanam (named after lead singer/composer Sanam Puri) is comfortable taking questions on, and dealing with fame. They could be the biggest band in India, say insiders. Their YouTube channel has 208 million subscribers and enjoys 14 million views per month. And they have fans across South Africa, Trinidad, Netherlands, Bangladesh, England, Nigeria, and even Suriname. "We just realised the other day that there isn't a country in the world that hasn't visited our channel," says Keshav Dhanraj, drummer. Thank God Indians are everywhere, we say, and he laughs, "Yes! Bangladesh is the biggest consumer of our music!" And they admit that they are drawing in more women than men. "It's quite a tough fight," says bass guitarist Venkat Subramaniyam, who is scrolling through figures as we talk over watermelon juice at the clubhouse of their plush residential complex in Madh-Marve. "It's 50:50," he adds, "women are more active on social media, I mean they comment more, but otherwise the gender ratio is roughly equal."
Pic/Nimesh Dave
It has taken them a while to get here. Brothers Sanam and guitarist Samar Puri, from Delhi, Subramaniyam, from Bengaluru and Dhanraj, from Chennai won a contest called SUPASTARS hosted by a recording label in 2010. Free gigs, great for exposure, but not of particular value, followed, until they met their manager Ben Thomas. "Under Ben's guidance, we started making videos and music of all types [originals and Hindi, English covers], says Dhanraj. Their first song, Hawa Hawa, saw a decent traction. But then, a cover of Lata Mangeshkar's Lag Jaa Gale got them almost 36 million views (and counting).
But their success is also a product of consistency. The first-time visitors on their channel often discover other songs, which they may not have done as well when they released, but gradually gained popularity. "So, our song, Dua [23 million views] which is an original, got popular after people had already discovered us through perhaps a cover version of some song, and wanted to listen to other stuff," says Sanam. They do remember the time that they tried first to get their songs heard. "I have been banned by Facebook so many times because I have spammed so many people [in an attempt to get them to hear our music]!" laughs Dhanraj. "I remember tagging people in the comments section of our videos. Facebook only allows 10 mentions per comment. So, you can imagine how many comments I posted!" smiles Sanam.
Today, they have the numbers, but they won't take their success for granted. They try and put up at least one new video every month (original or cover), update their social media accounts every few hours, and tour the country and outside. They now have a team that handles the logistics, including mixing and editing of videos, so they can "concentrate on the music". "We used to do it all ourselves. Now, it's about making music we are proud of so that you, the listener, likes it."
Ask them if they will ever ditch covers for originals only, and they have a smart, sorted reply. "In India, originals are respected more. We get that, and we aim to make more and more of them. But in many countries we visit, our fans are into the classics, like Mohammed Rafi's songs, and we want to give them what they want. They are our unique versions, they carry our stamp, in any case," says Subramaniyam.
As we leave them, they tell us about their musical influences, and there are some surprising answers. Sanam doesn't listen to much else because he doesn't wish to influenced, but if he must, he will pick, "strings and background music". Subramaniyam loves funk and blues, and Dhanraj and Samar like Arabic tunes. As Samar says, "We sing in all languages, and with our success and fan base, we now get that music really does have no language."
The creator of 'The Awkward Yeti' was inspired by Calvin and Hobbes
Nick Seluk, the American artist behind the popular The Awkward Yeti comics, on his ingenious organ characters and more
What made you pick a blue yeti as the central character?
I imagine the blue yeti [Lars] as a misfit among the attractive, extroverted white yetis. He looks, acts and thinks differently than the average yeti, and for that reason, feels disconnected. To me, it was a funny way of exaggerating my own awkwardness and introversion.
Nick Seluk
What is the key to creating intelligent comics for kids?
The key is that I don't make them for kids. I make them for adults, but I simplify the information to the extent that people of all ages can enjoy them.
Why did you decide to study psychology?
I have been very introspective, and psychology was an interesting way to learn about myself and others, like how we differ and relate. Much of what I learned reinforced what I already knew through observation, and gave me the confidence to use those concepts (albeit abstractly) later on in comics.
Pic courtesy/theawkwardyeti.com
If turned into a film, who do you think should voice Lars?
There are so many great options. I imagine a sort of deep, awkward voice for Lars, perhaps a John C Reilly or Brian Posehn.
What's your favourite organ character?
I love Heart because it represents my desire to be myself, be weird and try new things (not always successfully). My favourite character to write for is Tongue, because the character takes impulse to a new level.
A new organ character that you would want to introduce?
Most organs have made an appearance at some point, but the one I still want to make into a character is the mesentery, because it's sort of a bizarre grotesque shape that would be fun. I don't know if it would make regular appearances, but I hope it will show up some day.
Do you run your comics by your family for critique?
I used to do that a lot, but now I usually post the comic on Twitter first. It's my smallest social media audience, so I kind of use it to test it out. If it does well enough, I share it with my larger audiences on Instagram and Facebook.
Which artists inspire you?
I grew up reading and gaining great inspiration from Calvin and Hobbes, The Far Side, and The Simpsons. In the past few years, I have found a lot of inspiration from artists whom I meet while travelling.
Are you familiar with the works of Indian artists?
I am not, but I'm excited to be at Mumbai Comic Con because what better way could there be to start learning about them?
On: November 11 and 12 (11 am to 8 pm), Seluk's special session on 12, 4.30 pm
At: Bombay Exhibition Centre, Goregaon East
Log on to : comicconmumbai.com
Entry: Rs 499 (day pass)
Female biker Leslie Porterfield relives worst crash, records ahead of India trip
Ahead of her first trip to India, biker Leslie Porterfield, the world's fastest woman on two wheels, relives her record, worst crash and the growing number of Indian women on the riding circuit
At 16, Texas-based Leslie Porterfield bought a Yamaha Virago 1000, her first motorcycle, as an inexpensive mode of transport. It arrived in a box, and most people told her she wouldn't be able to get it running. However, she bought a manual, sought the advice of local mechanics, and put it together.
Leslie Porterfield
In fact, Porterfield loved riding it so much that just a year later, she went on to buy a sports bike (Honda CBR600). This was in the early '90s. "That's when my interest in racing began," recalls the 41-year-old mother of twins. She holds the Guinness World Record for being the fastest woman in the world on a motorcycle, which she set in 2008 with a speed of 232.522mph at Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah, USA.
On November 24 and 25, Porterfield will be in Goa for the fifth edition of India Bike Week, a fest that will witness a gathering of over 20,000 bikers to celebrate all things riding. Here, she will host a motorcycle stand and present awards for various achievements. Excerpts from an email interview:
Tell us about your most interesting motorcycle journeys.
Motorcycles gave me a sense of freedom and connection with nature while riding. One of my favourite trips was to the Baja 1000 (off-road race in Mexico's Baja California Peninsula) in 2005. I was on a dirt bike for the first time, and realised how difficult the race is. I went through 20 miles of deep sand whoops and fell 20 times. I have never been so sore. Another one is from the time I was 17, when I rode for 1,500 miles from Dallas to Los Angeles. On my way back, I was tired. I was riding at about 120mph. Unfortunately, I passed a police car and didn't see it. They set up a roadblock on the highway. When I stopped, I realised there were four police cars behind me. They were mad after chasing me for so long. I was lucky; the officer let me go without a citation. This prompted me to hit the racetrack.
What challenges have you faced in your racing career?
During my first year [2007] in Land Speed Racing [at Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah], the salt was in poor condition - wet, sludgy and hard to get traction. My bike got into a speed wobble at over 200mph. I tried to save it, but ended up coming off the bike at over 100mph. It was the worst wreck I've been in. I was unconscious, with seven broken ribs and a punctured lung. Fortunately, I recovered and made a point of testing different set-ups for the bike. I didn't push myself to make runs when conditions were bad. Racing comes with risks, which I try to minimise.
How did you crack the world record in Utah in 2008?
I had to make an effort to not think about what could go wrong, and put the accident out of my mind. I focused solely on what I needed to do to achieve my record. To set a land speed record, you have to make two runs — one in each direction - holding your top speed for a mile. My bike's engine was hot and as I entered the measured mile at full throttle, it started to sound rough. By the end, I had set the record but blown my engine, and there was oil everywhere!
What's your take on Indian motorcycle culture?
It's fascinating. The selection of motorcycles is vast, and I love that more women in India are riding motorcycles now. When I started in the '90s, men dominated the speed and racing scene; it was difficult for women to break into it.
Is Mumbai part of your itinerary?
I hope to see it during my visit. It is such a diverse city with much history. I've wanted to visit India for some time. I can't wait to experience its architecture, art, culture and beauty. I love Indian food, but have tried it only in America.
What kind of bikes do you ride now?
I have a Honda CBR1000, and several classic bikes from the '60s. I enjoy restoring old bikes. They aren't very fast, but they are a lot of fun.
Tips
>> Invest in proper motorcycle gear.
>> Never quit learning. Take up rider courses. Even if you have no desire to race, a day on the track with guidance will make you a better and safer rider.
Culinary experts on Khichdi's rich, comforting legacy
Union Minister of Food Processing Harsimrat Kaur Badal had to clear the air after reports suggested that khichdi was to be India's national dish. Culinary experts lift the lid on its rich, comforting legacy
Pushpesh Pant, Food historian and author
The first mention of khichdi is in the Vedas as kshirika. Years later, Al Bernini circa 1,000 AD called it the staple diet of India. So yes, it is already a national dish. Milestone versions are Birbal ki Khichdi, which has an apocryphal story about a dish that was made in Emperor Akbar's kitchen when his son, Salim, came home after conquering Gujarat.
Made of dry fruits and meat, it was a metaphor that Salim had "devoured" Gujarat, where khichdi was consumed. On the other hand, the Anglo-Indians made Kedgeree, with fish and eggs. In south India, Pongal is a version of the same dish.
Also read: India sets Guinness world record with 918 kg khichdi
In Puri's Jagannath temple, and in Badrinath, it is served as a prasad, but it is important to note it is not a vegetarian dish. We have some excellent meaty varieties like khichda (thick paste of beef, lentils and spices) and shola khichda (mince, rice, dal and vegetables).
Kurush Dalal, Food historian and archeologist
Both dal and rice have been part of the paleo-botanical records in archaeological excavations for the last 4,000 years. The question is: Were they cooked together? Was this eaten where both were grown? The answer is, khichdi is a generic term, and can be made with different grains.
While the dal is a critical component, there is no specification of the type. It can be tuvar, masoor, mung or chana dal. Rice, jowar, bajra, wheat and cracked wheat are options for the 'cereal' part. There are dry and wet versions. The urban version, cooked separately, is called dal-khichdi. It's the saviour dinner of single men.
Ashish Chopra, Delhi-based culinary historian
Two words describe it: soul food. An amalgamation of ingredients makes it a wholesome dish, which can have pulses, rice, vegetables and meat. The Angami Nagas call it galho. It is a pork version with greens, lentils and rice. In Mizoram, they call it sawchair. Just the way we say, life ki khichdi ho gayi, the dish is really about order from ingredients that are full of disorder.
Also read: Khichdi won't be named 'national dish', Harsimrat Kaur clarifies
Rajasthan has a muttony bajra-based soita, while Male in the Maldives has a prawns, lentil and rice preparation called Maltai. The masai of Kenya and River State, Nigeria - an area known for its spices and fish - make a fish sauce soup with rice, which is, in desi terms, a khichdi.
Also read: Khichdi to be branded India's national food on November 4
Mohsina Mukadam, Food historian and head of history department, Ruia College
The ingredients have remained the same since its first mention in the Vedas. While Emperor Akbar's kitchen is known for its khichdi, even Jehangir loved the Gujarati-style khichdi called Laziza (which means tasty), and Aurangzeb preferred a keema version. It was the best option to be cooked as prasad as it could end up feeding a large group without hassle.
Good friends circle in old age may boost brain functioning
New York: Maintaining strong social networks with positive, warm and trusting friendships in old age might be key to slowing down age-related decline in memory and brain functioning, researchers say.
Representational picture
The findings showed that superagers -- who are 80 years and older -- who have the cognitive ability at least as good as people in their 50s or 60s can have more satisfying, high-quality relationships compared to their cognitively average, same-age peers.
"This study supports the theory that maintaining strong social networks seems to be linked to slower cognitive decline," said Emily Rogalski, Associate Professor at the Northwestern University in the US.
"The study is particularly exciting as a step toward understanding what factors underlie the preservation of cognitive ability in advanced age, particularly those that may be modifiable," added Amanda Cook, doctoral student at the varsity.
Previous studies have shown psychological well-being in older age to be associated with reduced risk of developing Alzheimer's dementia.
"It's not as simple as saying if you have a strong social network, you'll never get Alzheimer's disease," Rogalski said.
"But if there is a list of healthy choices one can make, such as eating a certain diet and not smoking, maintaining strong social networks may be an important one on that list," Rogalski noted.
For the study, published in the journal PLOS ONE, the participants answered a 42-item questionnaire called the Ryff Psychological Well-Being Scale, which is a widely used to measure of psychological well-being.
The scale examines six aspects of psychological well-being: autonomy, positive relations with others, environmental mastery, personal growth, purpose in life and self-acceptance.
Superagers scored a median overall score of 40 in positive relations with others while the control group scored 36 -- a significant difference, Rogalski said.
Discover new ways to engage kids
New Delhi: Technology can help children learn and stimulate them to think in new and positive ways, but it needs to be balanced with experiential learning in order to ensure the holistic development of a child, say experts.
Representational picture
Parents can, for instance, look at supplemental activities like gardening. Gardening can not only teach children new skills, self-confidence, and responsibility but can also be a lot of fun for children.
Kashish A Chhabria, counselling psychologist and psychotherapist, and Hemant Mittal, consultant psychiatrist, and counsellor, highlights some do's and don'ts that you may consider using as a guide.
Do's
>> Monitor you child's media consumption, including video games, television, movies, and internet. Make sure you activate the restricted mode when kids use the internet.
>> Communicate with your child about what they observe in video games, television programs or movies. Ask them how they feel about the media they have access to and discuss it with them.
>> Incorporate new activities into your child's life. These can be educational as well as fun. There are games available which teach children about gardening and the different types of plants found in India.
>> Engage children in outdoor activities like nature walks and hikes to get them excited about the interesting flora and fauna prevalent in India.
>> Do get down on the soil with bare hands and feet with your child. It is absolutely okay to be "dirty". (until and unless suggested otherwise by a health practitioner).
Don'ts
>> Learn to negotiate, if your child demands the latest tablet or mobile phone for his or her birthday, give in to their demands provided your child agreed to go for a walk outdoors with you or spends 2 hours thrice a day playing a hands-on experiential game.
>> Do not set up electronic devices in a child's bedroom.
>> Do not allow unlimited access to media instead lay down ground rules. For example, place a time limit on how often or long a child is allowed to use an electronic device, including games and television.
Mumbai cyclist to journey across India to promote the cause of veganism
An article he had read a little over two years ago changed Rohit Ingle's life forever. It espoused the cause of veganism so persuasively that Ingle says he was convinced overnight to give up eating meat. "I can't remember where I read the article," he confesses. "But it had a very simple line - if you are an animal lover, you can't eat them. If you love someone, how can you be the cause of their misery?" he adds.
Rohit Ingle while flagging off his journey from Ahimsa Fest this week. Pics/Sneha Kharabe
That message is what he now hopes to spread across the country, riding a cycle. Ingle embarked on his epic journey - and it can only be described as that - from Bandra on Thursday, a week ahead of World Vegan Day on November 1. The plan is to cover 19,000 km over one year, stopping not just at different state capitals, but especially in the hinterland. "Hardly anyone in India knows about veganism," he says, adding, "I'll pitch my tent at places like highway dhabas. There, I can interact with the customers and tell them more about what I am doing, hopefully inspiring some of them [to take up veganism] in the process."
Does he feel any apprehension? "Yes, I am nervous, I won't lie about that. But I am motivated by my cause. There are also people who will be there to welcome me at Ahmedabad and Surat initially, and that will hopefully give me further encouragement. So, as the journey goes by, I am sure this feeling will go away."
But, Ingle adds, he's not quite sure about how he will sustain himself financially to get through an entire year. "I have raised `60,000 [of his `3.5-lakh target] through crowdfunding. I have also received money from The Pollination Project, an organisation based in the US that has sponsored me for $1,000. So, I have around `1.3 lakh and can easily start my journey for at least three to four months."
After that, he hopes to keep going till November 2018, inspiring as many people as possible along the way. "See, the message is very simple - if you want to eat meat or wear animal products, an animal that doesn't want to die is definitely going to be killed. So, you have to keep that in mind."
Anoushka Shankar: Always wanted to score film track
Anoushka Shankar, who scored the recently restored silent film, Shiraz, recalls the challenge of the task, her upcoming India tour with the film and why Mumbai will always remain special
An emperor's love for his queen was immortalised in white marble in 1653. Three centuries later, when cinema was still at a nascent stage in India, the Taj Mahal and the love story of Shahjahan and Mumtaz Mahal became one of the earliest subjects to be celebrated on the big screen with Franz Osten's silent classic, Shiraz (1928). Almost 90 years on, the film starring Himanshu Rai, Charu Roy, Seeta Devi and Enakshi Rama Rau was restored to its former glory by the British Film Institute (BFI), in a manner most fitting.
The music for Shiraz is a blend of Indian and western instrumentation
While sitar player and composer Anoushka Shankar was invited to score the music of the film, she will also present a live performance, alongside a screening in four Indian cities, being brought here by the British Council and BFI.
We spoke to Shankar about what went into reliving an era musically. Edited excerpts from an interview:
How did a project of this nature come about?
The BFI undertakes frequent film restoration projects, and in 2017, as part of the UK-India Year of Culture, they decided to work on Shiraz. When they asked me to do the score, I was thrilled. I had been wanting to start scoring films for some time. And this seemed like a lovely fit with my musical background and skill set.
Stills from the restored film
How did you approach the music for a silent film?
It's much more challenging to score for a silent film because there's no conversation, and this means it needs constant music. The sheer volume of output required was huge. While we tried to give a feel of the time in which the film is set and the time in which it was made, we also wanted the audience to enjoy a cinematic effect in the music with a rich, modern sound. In some ways, it's been the most creative process that I have been a part of. I found it incredibly fulfilling.
Shiraz: A Romance of India. Pics/British Council and BFI
What does the music sound like?
We are an eight-member orchestra, and it's relatively evenly spaced out for the Indian and western instrumentation. We've used Indian percussion, the bansuri, sitar, cello, piano, violin, clarinet and some elements of live electronic music as well. It's a long film of an hour and 47 minutes, and throughout the duration, I have tried to create variety. For example, the opening piece is purely classical and then, within the course of the first half hour, we move to a different soundscape. When scoring the film, I knew it was going to be a live show as well and I was mindful of making music that people would want to sit and listen to and watch as a show.
How has composing music for Shiraz impacted you as a musician?
Whenever I take up any music project, it involves a mix of something that I have to offer, but also an opportunity where I can learn and grow. With Shiraz, I have grown a lot as a composer. I have learnt how to orchestrate my own music for an ensemble within a western harmony, in a way that allows Indian music to stay. I have also learnt a lot technically.
Around the time Shiraz premiered in London, the Taj was called a blot on Indian culture by an Indian politician...
If you take out the politics and think of it in terms of people, it's like one person putting another person down in order to make himself feel bigger. There is a lack of confidence in that. If someone is a fantastic human being in a way that's different from me, it doesn't make me a bad human being. We are different, but we can both be wonderful. As a culture, we have so much diversity in our history that there is room to celebrate everything.
How do you look at Mumbai as a performance venue?
Mumbai is a place that I have been coming to since I was a child. As a classical musician, it's such an important city. I have had years of memorable concert experiences here with my father initially, and with my own work in more recent years. I am always happy to play for Mumbai. It's a kind of place where you get a cosmopolitan audience that listens to diverse types of music.
On: November 5, 7.30 pm
At: Sri Shanmukhananda Auditorium, Sion East.
Log on to: bookmyshow.com
Entry: Rs 300 onwards
Steve Vai, in and about India
Steve Vai at 2015 Rock in Rio concert. Pic/Getty images
You visited India 23 years ago. What are your memories?
I came to India as a spiritual soldier. Most people know me as a musician, but perhaps my most focused attention throughout my life has been on spirituality. There was a period I went through when I was researching various eastern philosophies and this brought me to India on several occasions. It was a tremendously rewarding experience.
How did you manage to keep your personal style of music intact?
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a composer and so, I started studying music. But when I was an early teenager in the '70s, I discovered rock music by the likes of Led Zeppelin, Queen, Jethro Tull and Deep Purple. I've always loved the energy of rock music. When the opportunity came to join those bands in the '80s, I felt that a part of my musical sensibilities would work well with them. So, a particular style of my music was used during that time. But when I started doing my solo music more, my innate musical style emerged more powerfully. All the artistes I've worked with in the past have shaped what I do.
How would you describe the journey of your music?
I was very emerged in Zappa and his music while I was working with him from the age of 18 to 23. During that time, I was also writing my own music and, to some degree, it was highly influenced by Frank (Zappa). When I started working on the music of Modern Primitive, it was directly after my Zappa years and there was still much residual leftover Zappa influence in it.
Tell us about your life as a 20-something rock star in the '80s...
Well, it was certainly a good time to be a rock star. We could wear the oddest clothes, had a gigantic stage to run around on and were playing our a***s off! To be honest, I enjoyed it very much. I took great advantage of all the situations, but never lost myself in them. I knew they were all fleeting moments. Dave Roth threw the best parties, though. They were notorious. I saw and discovered things that could fill volumes of books and which you would not believe even if they were written and truthful. Imagine having at your disposal an abundance of fame, drugs, sex, money, etc. But as mentioned, I never got lost in any of it… except perhaps the fame, ha!
Will the heydays of rock ever return?
I don't know what young artistes do backstage anymore, but any time I've been there, they were nothing like what I remember in the '80s. For some, the heyday is now. There is still enough fame, drugs, sex and money to go around that could spin the head of any young artiste. But then again, there seem to be 'rock stars' in every field.
Any Indian musicians you admire…
I was fortunate to do some work with violinist L Shankar in the '80s. He's a phenomenon. I also enjoy the work of Ravi Shankar, Zakir Hussain, U Srinivas, Ali Akbar Khan, Anoushka Shankar and others.
Who are your all-time favourite guitarists and why?
Jimmy Page was my first real guitar discovery and is, in my books, the best arranger, writer and producer of rock music. Allan Holdsworth has an inner ear unlike that of anyone.
Jimi Hendrix. Well, because he's Hendrix. When I heard Al Di Meola play as a teenager, I became aware of the extremes that a human being can achieve in terms of tone and chops.
Brian May has the most identifiable tone and touch. Joe Satriani, he speaks through his guitar in a way that is deeply moving and creative. He is the master of inspired instrumental guitar melody. I could go on and on.
What have you planned for your performance here?
I was happy to discover Mohini Dey, an extraordinarily talented Indian bass player. She played on a track on Modern Primitive called Bop. She's truly a marvel and if everything works out, she will be joining us at the show for a jam. Also, I have a backing video screen that has some of my friends appearing on it, who I will jam with from the stage. They include Joe Satriani, Brian May, John Petrucci, Tommy Emmanuel and Frank Zappa. I want to be connected to the evolutionary impulse of the universe when I play, thus, bringing an experience to the people that is captivating and even shocking.
Steve Vai performs at the Meghalaya (October 28) and Pune (December, date to be announced) edition of Bacardi NH7 Weekender 2017
LOG ON TO: insider.in
Can rap culture, Urdu poetry influence morchas?
What's common between rapper Sofia Ashraf, filmmaker Fathima Nizaruddin and Urdu-Kashmiri poet Mohammad Muneem Nazir? Besides a form of expression, they use their art as a tool of resistance. Next week, they will come together at Godrej India Culture Lab for Performing Protest, an evening that explores how art works with hunger strikes and marches to help create change. "The idea is to highlight alter-narratives [alternative narratives]. Young India is protesting in a number of ways — through candle-light marches, online petitions and flash mobs. Art is also one of them,"âÂÂsays Lab head Parmesh Shahani.
A still from Nuclear Hallucinations
Fathima Nizaruddin
Ashraf will share more on the causes she supports through her music — the viral hit Kodaikanal Won't, protested against the mercury poisoning due to Unilever's thermometer plant, and Dow Vs Bhopal: A Toxic Rap Battle, appealed to the White House to help bring Dow Chemicals to bring justice for the Bhopal Gas Tragedy. "Today, the culture of dissent is looked down upon and those practising it are shown in a bad light, as the powers that be clamp down with terms like anti-national. So, it's important to stress on art's role in dissent," says Ashraf, who will also showcase the tongue-in-cheek music videos she creates under the series, Sista From the South.
Sofia Ashraf. Pic courtesy/Pretika Menon
Mohammad Muneem Nazir
Delhi-based Nizaruddin, currently pursuing practice-based PhD from London's University of Westminster, will showcase Nuclear Hallucinations. The 54-minute film on the anti-nuclear struggle against the Kudankulam Atomic Power Project in Tamil Nadu, highlights cases of sedition and war against the state that have been filed against the protestors. "Cases are even filed against grandmothers running coffee shops. The film questions the totalitarian nature of pro-nuclear assertions in the form of a satirical documentary. Instead of conducting interviews, I asked the villagers to wear masks and stage impersonations," shares the director, who will also present a performance before the screening.
Parmesh Shahani
Nazir will perform Urdu poetry that reflects the turmoils in the Valley. "My music appeals to people to be compassionate," he says. The trio will come together for a panel discussion about their work process.
ON: October 27, 5 pm
AT: Godrej One, Vikhroli East.
RSVP: indiaculturelab@godrejinds.com
Gabriella Demetriades and Nikhil Thampi get chatty over Bollywood and style
She's sizzled on lists featuring the world's hottest women. So, when South African model-designer Gabriella Demetriades walks into The Daily, it's easy to figure why. There's no discernable make-up on her face; her slip dress is perfect to take her from day to evening. It's impossible to ignore Nikhil Thampi too, with his tall build and sunglasses in place. "You always wear amazing boots," he tells Demetriades. The two designers, known for their sexy western creations, slip into comfortable chatter.
Fashion designers Gabriella Demetriades (left) and Nikhil Thampi at The Daily Bar & Kitchen in Bandra. Pics/Sneha Kharabe
Sabhnani: What made you enter menswear?
Demetriades: Because no one's doing it! I am doing more of a casual daywear line that is unisex — jeans, tees and jackets.
Thampi: Menswear has evolved from what it was five years ago. Men are more experimental. I remember I had done cowl kurtas in my GenNext show; it wasn't big back then. Every top designer today is doing drapes for menswear. I thought, let's revisit it. Although, it is mostly Indian, nobody is doing predominantly western clothes. We thought of doing a small collection of eight looks to check the market. We have been flooded with offers. I never believed in celebrity showstoppers till today [Hrithik Roshan walked for his show].
Demetriades: It's amazing when they wear them as it goes viral. But then it depends on the celebrity too. As a foreigner, it was interesting to see that.
Thampi: We both owe a lot to celebrities; my career graph accelerated because of it. But it's important only if it translates into sales. A Deepika Padukone wearing an outfit is not as aspirational as Sonakshi Sinha or Kareena Kapoor wearing it, as they are full-bodied. Fashion weeks should focus only on design, not showstoppers.
Sabhnani: Speaking of model sizing, how did you shift from modeling to designing?
Demetriades: My family business involves textiles and haberdashery. My grandmother started it 50 years ago. My mother owns a small knitwear label in South Africa. The production capability there isn't amazing and we always thought of moving to India. We first came to India to look at production possibilities.
Thampi: Production is a nightmare in Mumbai. It costs half in Delhi or Kolkata. I cry every day due to bills and production issues.
Sabhnani: We have a long way to go, right?
Demetriades: It's very young. The Indian sensibility is conservative, so you have to tone it down. But it's a growing economy and there are risk-takers too.
Thampi: To survive, you have to be an all-rounder, especially a PR maestro.
Demetriades: Exactly. What's in the public eye becomes the identity of the brand. There's a big gap between lounge and high-end Indian wear — I can't buy a four-lakh gown for every occasion. There are no sexy/fun labels. The price point between $100 to $700 is massive in the West, and you can buy something beautiful.
The food arrives; Quinoa Salad and Champagne Mushroom Fricassee for Demetriades; Pollo Funghi e Jalapeno, Drunken Prawns and Banana Peanut Butter smoothie for Thampi.
Demetriades: This looks good! Avocuddle sounds cute [we ordered a blueberry avocado shake called Avocuddle].
Thampi: Food is my happy space. I eat everything; I can eat a human being!
Demetriades: That's mean! I gave up meat three months ago. But my family is Greek, so everything has lamb. They asked me, 'What are you going to eat!' When I watched the film Okja, I was in tears. And I was hosting people for dinner that day. When a pork dish was served, I thought, 'Oh god, I can't do it.' Since then I haven't had red meat or chicken.
Sabhnani: So, do you eat before shows?
Thampi: I can't eat anything, but I compensate after the show.
Demetriades: French fries. When I am stressed, I eat. When I am super happy, I don't. When I was in South Africa, I was 10 kilos lighter. It's very hardcore there. When I came to India, it was the opposite. People liked that I was curvy.
Thampi: She's so thin! It's a profession; you need to maintain yourself. But none of us would want to project our clothes on an extremely thin model.
Sabhnani: What do you like and hate about the industry?
Thampi: Nepotism. You pick up any magazine, and you'll spot the same five people, all over again. The same people are given awards every time. Move on!
Demetriades: Fashion and celebrities are a single entity in India. I don't think that just because you are a celebrity (Bollywood or cricket), you are fashionable. Also, there is hierarchy and power play in the industry, which is scary for newcomers and outsiders or foreigners like me.
Quick takes
Aamir Khan puts all his energy into a film: Amit Trivedi
What pushes you to include indie sounds in film music?
It's exciting. We hear so much of template music each day. It sounds too similar, and gets boring eventually. Indie music gives you the edge to experiment and push the envelope. I follow my instinct.
Singer-composer Amit Trivedi
What will we hear at your performance at The Red Bull Tour Bus-Off The Roof gig?
I make alternate and mainstream Bollywood music, and you'll hear more of alternate sounds at this gig. I'll play music from Udaan, Lootera, Dev D and even Rukh [an upcoming film starring Manoj Bajpayee]. Mainstream songs will include tracks from Ayesha, Ishaqzaade and Shaandar. Divya Kumar, Arun Kamath and Yashita Sharma will accompany me. Expect a bit of Coke Studio-kind of sound as well.
What was it like working on Secret Superstar and Rukh? And exchanging notes with Aamir Khan?
I dealt with two different worlds. While Secret Superstar is the story of a mother and daughter, Rukh is the story of a father and son. The songs in Secret Superstar are from a 15-year-old's viewpoint. They are light and breezy; it can't be party music. Now, this is something important - a lot of people complain on social media about their dislike for a song. What they don't understand is that we make music for cinema, which is storytelling and where characters are involved. It is not necessary that every film needs to have a blockbuster song. And that's the beauty of Aamir Khan [producer of Secret Superstar]. He puts all his energy into every aspect of the film. Usually, the songs that get popular are romantic or melancholic, or club songs; this film has none of it.
Do you take social media seriously?
Earlier, there was a gap between the celebrity and the audience. Now, it's seamless. Everybody has a phone and an opinion. And this access is taken for granted. People say whatever sh*t they want. So, I just look at the good side of it. Bombay Velvet was a commercial disaster but till date, I get good reviews for the music.
Tell us about your interest in folk music.
When I was a kid, my mom would sing a lot of Gujarati garba songs. The environment [to nurture music] was appropriate. I've got many favourites - Tara Vina Shyam, Kaho Poonam Na Chand Ne, Sonal Garbo Shire, Ek Vanjari Julan Julti Thi, Krishna Bhagwan Halya Dwarika Ne.
On: October 14, 5 pm onwards
At: PJ Hindu Gymkhana, Marine Lines
Log on to: www.insider.in
Entry: Rs 500
Four Indian women share mantras to race against the odds at workplace
The recently-released Emma Stone film, Battle of the Sexes, takes a relook at the debate on gender equality. Four Indian women, all in a minority in their professions, share mantras to come up trumps at the workplace
Go beyond misogyny
Priyanka Kochhar, Model and professional racer
Motorcycling remains a male-centric field. I model for a living so that makes it even stranger for men to see me on a bike. Luckily, I am my own boss but for every motorcycle I ride or event I participate in, I'm usually the lone woman. It used to be intimidating at first because I knew I wasn't as well-read about the technicalities of motorcycles.
But now, after two years of BikeWithGirl [her Instagram account], many male riders have begun to see me as they see their colleagues. I'm happy to note that motorcycle brands treat me the same way they treat male bikers. Maybe my hunger to do this is what they see and not my gender. The way I've tackled misogyny is by going beyond it. It used to rile me up at one point.
But work still has to get done, so I figured there was no point mulling over it. It has been hard, there's no denying it. And yes, there are still some critics but I've received a lot of support as well.
Be proactive at work
Archana Savleram Hadawale, Code-maker and software engineer
I am the only woman in a team of 11 men. I love to accept challenges, and coding offers a new challenge every day, which is why I picked the profession. You press an enter key, and the world changes. I come from a simple family where no one is a post graduate.
It wasn't easy to pick software engineering. My parents weren't supportive at first; they wanted me to get a nine-to-five job and pay attention to household work too. They also didn't want me to stress too much due to a health condition. There is a solution for everything. I meditate to deal with the stress that comes with the job.
If someone says you can't do it, tell him or her, 'Maybe I can't, but I will sit with you to get it done.' Don't wait to get work, ask for it. Whenever I work late, I see to it that there is someone whom I can trust around. Having a good senior helps. Since I don't come from the same social background as my colleagues, my manager provides me guidance to tackle hurdles. In the end, your work will do the talking.
Women must support women
Devita Saraf, Technology entrepreneur
Technology is challenging, engaging and futuristic; it's why I chose this field. I have two challenges, one that I am a woman, and two, I am a leader; people don't take this combination seriously. Whenever I am meet somebody or am at a meeting with a retailer, I show that I am in charge.
Your confidence should be high and your words must carry weight. This helps people take you seriously. It gets difficult in towns and cities outside metros where the older generation might show disregard. But you need to react graciously as they may not have dealt with women in business.
The number of women in technology is increasing; I interact with several female technology graduates but many suffer from parental pressure to choose marriage over career. I push for women in my company; women must support other women. Several department heads in my company, be it corporate sales or R&D, are women. Technology is a good industry for women as you are known for your IQ, and if you walk the talk, men respect you.
Set up pro-women systems
Seethalakshmy Narayanan, Investment banker
The female:male ratio in my company is 10 women to 65 men. However, the men are supportive. It is important for workplaces to set systems in place to help women produce a solid output.
An action as simple as having a peon stay back for the safety of a woman when she is working late makes a big difference. Give your 100 per cent, no one will hold you back.
Two Mumbai musicians talk about their craft while enjoying Asian feast
Arijit Datta hobbles into The Fatty Bao with a twisted ankle. Sidd Coutto bustles in 10 minutes later. The former's a music composer who's moved away from bands like Agni and Airport towards film and advertising, while the latter is probably the busiest musician in the city's indie circles. They first dive into starters — Crystal Dumpling, Spicy Mushroom Sushi Roll, Dancing Prawns and California Rolls — and then into conversation about their craft.
Sen: How do you switch seamlessly from making indie music to more commercial projects?
Datta: It's not a switch really. I think that for me and for Sidd also, wherever there is a mode of expression, we just go there and do our thing.
Coutto: Yeah, true. For commercial concerts, you just go up there and rock 'n' roll, dude. It's just a two-hour gig, where you're hanging with your buddies on stage and partying away.
Datta: It would be different when it comes to writing songs, which we both do, because if you have to mould yourself according to the audience, that's what you might call a switch.
Sidd Coutto (left) and Arijit Datta share a laugh at The Fatty Bao in Bandra. Pics/Pradeep Dhivar
Sen (to Datta): So when you were composing for the movie Filmistaan, did you have to keep the audience in mind?
Coutto (answering for both): See, performing is one thing and composing is another. When you're writing for films, you have to be clear that it's the director's baby. You are facilitating his vision. Yes, it's your baby at one level, but you're not both the mummy and the daddy.
Datta: The good part about Filmistaan was that the director let me interpret the film my own way. So I never had to break away from my own self, because the music came naturally to me. Plus, the movie had no market pressure as such, so I didn't really have a brief.
Coutto: ...Which by the way isn't the norm, so [singing to the tune of a Daft Punk Song] you got lucky.
Datta: Yeah, and for me, I think very cinematically. Even with my band's songs, if I just change the arrangements a bit, they can be in a film.
Coutto: Also, when most people come to you for work now, they come for what you make. It's not like the old days when it was like, 'Aisa banaa aur waisa banaa.' So you don't have to switch so much, since they want you for you.
Datta: I think there are newer minds. There are newer storytellers with a different language altogether, who go in search of newer sounds, voices and composers.
Sen: So it's not the era of Jatin-Lalit and Anand-Milind anymore?
Datta: No. But they also had their own sound. At that time, Jatin-Lalit were the kings, ya. Of course, they didn't move with the times.
Coutto: Or, the times moved away from them. But they did try. Infact, [Anand-Milind's] Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak is my favourite Hindi film album of all time.
Datta: Yeah, it's my favourite too. It was a complete album. Even the least-remembered song [sings a bar from Kaahe Sataye], even that I remember! So yeah, they did their time; they brought in their sound and gave us memorable tunes. But then our tastes started changing. MTV, Channel V and VH1 came in, and the world suddenly became bigger.
The mains, Asparagus Bacon Fried Rice and Exotic Mushroom Ramen, arrive. This is followed by moments of silence interspersed with appreciative sounds such as 'mmmm'.
Sen: What are some of your favourite places to eat at in Mumbai?
Coutto: Over the past couple of years, I've discovered that Social actually has awesome food. They have a vast variety of things, with small dishes included. Did you know that they have something on the menu called Staff Khaana? It's exactly what their staff eats and it's great, dude. But I don't end up ordering it as much because there are so many more things I like. But they have removed bheja from the menu, and I love bheja.
Datta: I can never have bheja, man.
Sen: So if you go to Bangkok you're never going to try cockroaches and locusts?
Datta: Never. I can't go in that direction. I know that people are adventurous with their food and everything. But I can't do that.
Coutto: For me, when it comes to food, I let my nose guide the way. Otherwise, I have no restrictions.
Datta: I love going to this place called National. It's a dhaba that a Sardar owns and it's been running since 1952, near Bandra Talao. It serves pure food, you know, the sort with less oil — makki roti with butter on top, rajma, bhindi — and you can even have their water and nothing will happen to you.
Coutto [Putting his fork down and rubbing his tummy]: Yeah, I'll go there with you sometime. But right now, I think I'll go home and play some slow blues songs.
Quick takes
Escape from Mumbai and find inspiration in this beautiful rural setting
A Writers Retreat session in progress
While most of us aren't as lucky as Ruskin Bond to call the hills of Uttarakhand home, a brief escape to nature can help get the creative juices flowing. If you love writing and feel you could do with some inspiration as well as insights into honing your prose, the upcoming edition of Writers Retreat might be your ideal getaway.
The sprawling open-air venue
Designed by the live storytelling event series, Tall Tales, and Grassroutes, an organisation that seeks to connect the urban dweller with the rural community, the two-day retreat will take place in Dehna. The village, located at a two-hour drive from Mumbai, is nestled in the Sahyadris. And thanks the many streams and rivulets that spring up during monsoon, it is also called the land of a thousand waterfalls.
Michael Burns
The retreat features seven workshops rolled into one along with some free time to explore and soak in the rural life. "The first day is all about the universal story structure - how to start stories, what to do in the middle, and how to end them. Irrespective of the language or genre, there is a basic structure that many writers with great ideas find difficult to adhere to," says Michael Burns, director of Tall Tales. The day will end with a film screening, where participants will watch a structured story unfold on screen.
The next day will get into the nuances of good writing, like designing unforgettable characters. "Some writing exercises will encourage participants to explore their relationship with nature; something that's difficult to achieve amidst the distractions of a busy city like Mumbai," signs off Burns.
On: October 1, 9 am onwards
Meeting point: To be decided three days prior to the trip
Log on to: instamojo.com
Email: akshay@talltales.in (seats limited)
Cost: '8,000 ('7,000 for students)
Fitness band during sex is the latest bedroom attraction. Here's why
Former cricketer Andrew Flintoff gives a thumbs up to monitoring calories in bed, but his wife, Rachael, isn’t pleased with this. Pic/AFP
If you thought mobile phones are a rude intrusion in your bedroom, the fitness band might be the latest addition to the list. Former English cricketer Andrew Flintoff recently revealed (or 'overshared', according to British tabloids) that he wears a digital fitness tracker band in the sack. He added that it helped him meet his calorie burn target for the day and also egged him to go harder in bed to satisfy his wife. His revelations raked in much ridicule and shock from female social media users. Adding to the buzz on social media, his wife Rachael admitted that she wasn't a fan of the idea.
Also read - Revealed: The 'Sexy Secrets' of modern Indians
Ameeta Sanghavi Shah
How much is good?
Mind, life and relationship therapist Ameeta Sanghavi Shah feels that balance is the key to a relationship's success. When the goal (here, fitness) becomes bigger than everything else, it signifies that something larger is at play. Shah credits this obsession to the individualistic lives couples live today, away from their relatives and family. "We seek growth and better results. While that is good, we lose the security of the known while coping with a world of crazy change. We become anxious even as we strive to be positive. When we can't control the demands of ensuring certainty and meeting our own need for being perfect, we begin to control the things we think we can. This is where compulsive behaviour steps in. It gives us the illusion of control over the bigger picture," explains Shah.
Deanne Panday, celebrity fitness expert
Celebrity fitness expert, Deanne Panday seconds Shah's opinion. "Fitness is a journey, not a destination. If anything is used temporarily for motivation, or to help you get on track and not as an obsession, it can be positive. In this technology-driven world, the chances of dependency on gadgets are strong. But self-motivation is what works in the long run. Your body is a bio computer and if you listen, it will give you signs on what to do. You don't need a gadget for it," says Panday.
Also read: How does Mumbai play between the sheets?
A healthy inside
Panday adds that athletes need motivation as their career depends on fitness, but for a layman with a sound medical history, a holistic fitness pattern designed for their body will work. "I have seen a lot of people in Mumbai obsess about aesthetics and being skinny. But internal health is the key to a healthy life. Learn where to draw the line and keep your partner happy and healthy too," she adds.
The larger picture is what matters in the long run. Shah suggests that one should not convert everything in life into a training ground to measure, prove and build your strength. A relationship is not a game of numbers but a continuous experience that contributes to wellness. It comes from connecting to the self; machines and gadgets need to be put aside. "The language of compulsion of 'I have to' and 'should' must change to one of choice: of being aware and present - 'I wish to' or 'prefer to'. So, while you opt for monitoring gadgets, also spend time being mindful, meditating and connecting with your loved ones," Shah reminds.
You may also like - Photos: Top 10 things you should avoid while having sex
Strong friendships in office among women may reduce conflicts
Attention women! It's time for you to make friends in your office as a study has found that strong friendships among women co-workers, especially in male dominated organisations, are less likely to experience conflicts.
Researchers from the Institute For Operations Research And The Management Sciences suggested that when employers foster an office environment that supports positive, social relationships between women coworkers, especially in primarily male dominated organisations, then they are less likely to experience conflict among women employees.
Study author Jenifer Merluzzi from George Washington University conducted the study. The team surveyed 145 management-level employees regarding workplace dynamics at two large U.S. firms that were primarily male-dominated environments, with women representing less than one-third of the workforce.
They found that while men and women are equally likely to cite having a difficult co-worker, compared to men, women are more likely to cite another woman as a difficult co-worker than they are to cite a man, or not cite anyone. However, this tendency is reduced among women who cite having more women coworkers for social support and friendship at work.
Knowing that unique gendered network characteristics such as the gender compositions of an employee's social support at work were associated with negative ties can help organisational leaders anticipate potential trouble spots within their firms where gendered conflict may erupt.
"Understanding the relational side of conflict also bears practical importance as companies increasingly organise using diverse teams, heightening the reliance on informal ties between and within gender to get work accomplished,' Merluzzi noted. The research appears in the journal of Organization Science.
5 ways she's telling you you're not good in bed
Woman and man in bed
Having sex is probably one of the most enjoyable things to do out there, but sometimes your partner may not be having as much fun as you thought she was. If you are someone who is a little skittish about asking her for ‘feedback’, here are some subtle cues she’s probably giving you.
>> She shuts down after sex: Most women like to cuddle after sex. Some may like to simply lie down next to you and take a nap. But if your lady love is turning away and absolutely shutting down after sex, there’s definitely a problem.
When women have sex they release a certain hormone that causes them to bond with the man they are with. This is why you’ll find your partner wanting to be close to you after the act. If this basic need is missing in your woman, there is a possibility that she isn’t quite enjoying her time in the sac.
>> Avoids having sex with you: This one is just the brightest red flag out there. If she’s avoiding the act all together, know that there is potentially something very wrong. While other reasons like hormonal imbalance or even fatigue can play a role in her disinterest, if she was sexually active and starts avoiding sex with you, it’s time to change things up.
>> Looks bored: While having sex, the last thing that comes to your mind is to register what expression she has on her face. But if you actually take the time to notice and she looks bored, you know you aren’t doing anything to make her happy between the sheets.
>> She talks about certain things during the act: She probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that you aren’t satisfying her, but one way of giving you a hint would be to talk to you about specific things you do in bed. For instance, if she asks about why you like a particular position or why you climaxed early, know that she’s pointing towards a problem.
>>She wants to stay in only one position during sex: This could go either way. Either you’re turning her on and helping her have a lot of fun in this position, or she hates it and just wants you to be done. If the latter is the case, she’s probably not going to want to change positions, ask you if you are done and lay there looking bored. Combine all the above hints with this one and voila you have a lady who is not too happy with your skills between the sheets.
Children of single mothers fare as well as those of two-parent: Study
Representational picture
Children born to single women without a partner appeared to enjoy a similar parent-child relationship as those in heterosexual two-parent families, researchers say.
Fertility treatment for single women -- who wish to become pregnant without a partner (i.e., single mothers by choice) -- is an increasingly popular procedure in most European countries.
The study showed that there were no significant differences in emotional involvement or parental stress between family types.
Single-mothers-by-choice, however, showed significantly higher scores on the social support -- such as parents, other family, friends, neighbours -- they received, but also on wanting more social support.
There were no significant differences in the children's internal and external problem behaviour (well-being) between both family types, the researchers said.
"Single-mothers-by-choice and their children benefit from a good social support network, and this should be emphasised in the counselling of women who want to have and raise a child without a partner," said Mathilde Brewaeys from the VU University Medical Centre, in the Netherlands.
The results were presented at the annual meeting of European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) in Geneva.
Experts had raised concerns about the well-being and development of children born to single-mothers-by-choice.
However, it seems likely that any negative influence on child development depends more on a troubled parent-child relationship and not on the absence of a father, the researchers said.
"The assumption that growing up in a family without a father is not good for the child is based mainly on research into children whose parents are divorced and who thus have experienced parental conflict," Brewaeys explained.
For the study, the team compared 69 single-mothers-by-choice (who had knowingly chosen to raise their child alone) and 59 mothers from heterosexual two-parent families with a child between 1.5 and 6 years.
'I'm afraid my wife will find out I cheated on her'
Illustration/ Uday Mohite
I had an affair with someone while dating my girlfriend a few years ago. She didn't know about it and I put it behind me. I didn't cheat on her ever again. We got married eventually, a year ago, and I recently ran into the woman I had an affair with. She says she still has feelings for me and has threatened to tell my wife about our affair. If my wife finds out, she will assume that I have always been unfaithful, even though I haven't. I don't know what to do. I can't threaten this woman because she says she will file a police complaint. I'm desperate. I don't want my marriage to end like this because of a stupid mistake that I made years ago.
First of all, threatening anyone is a ridiculous thing to do, so don't even think about it. Secondly, as you yourself admit, this was a stupid mistake that was made years ago. If you want your relationship with your wife to get stronger, you will simply have to fess up. If she trusts you enough to have married you, she shouldn't have any problem believing that you haven't been unfaithful since then. Cheating on someone is always wrong, so try to be as honest about your reasons as possible. There may be some hostility at first, which is natural, but it is up to you to convince your wife, because that is the only way she will be able to ignore this other woman's threats and move on. Also, it is only by moving on as a stronger couple that you will both allow this other woman some sense of closure and compel her to move on too.
My girlfriend has a massive crush on a Bollywood actor, which makes me jealous for no reason. How do I deal with this?
The chances of her hooking up with this Bollywood actor are as remote as your chances of hooking up with him. She's with you. Focus on that.
Fathers more attentive and responsive to little daughters: Study
New York: Fathers tend to be more attentive and responsive to the needs of their toddler daughters than of their sons, finds a brain study that shows a toddler's gender influences the brain responses as well as the behaviour of fathers.
The findings showed that fathers of toddler daughters sang more often and spoke more openly about emotions, including sadness, whereas those with toddler sons engaged in more rough-and-tumble play.
"If the child cries out or asks for dad, fathers of daughters responded more than did fathers of sons," said lead researcher Jennifer Mascaro, Assistant Professor at Emory University.
Further, girls' fathers used more analytical language (words like all, below and much) which has been linked to future academic success, while with boys it was more achievement-related language (words such as proud, win and top).
This may be possibly because fathers are more accepting of girls' feelings than boys', the researchers said in the paper published in the journal Behavioral Neuroscience.
In addition, brain scans revealed that fathers of daughters had greater responses to their daughters' happy facial expressions in areas of the brain important for visual processing, reward, emotion regulation, and face processing than fathers of sons.
"The gender-biased paternal behaviour need not imply ill intentions on the part of fathers. These biases may be unconscious, or may actually reflect deliberate and altruistically motivated efforts to shape children's behaviour in line with social expectations of adult gender roles that fathers feel may benefit their children," added James Rilling anthropologist at Emory.
For the study, the team used data from 52 fathers of toddlers (30 girls, 22 boys), who agreed to clip a small handheld computer onto their belts and wear it for one weekday and one weekend day.
Should you mind the age gap? Experts decode the answer
Emmanuel Macron (right) and wife Brigitte Trogneux acknowledge the audience at an event in Paris in April. Pic/AFP
She's been called a Menopausal Barbie and France's First Grandmother, he's been passed off as gay as it's inconceivable for many how a straight 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron would be married to 64-year-old Brigitte Trogneux. In a different continent, another president is 24 years older than his wife Melania, but critics are yet to look past Donald Trump's mop of blonde-orange hair, and logic-defying views. Why?
Age does matter… for women
"We are still very ageist as a society, all over the world. While an older woman is called a cougar, there is no such term for an older man," says Shrishti Arya, producer of romance TV series Kehta Hai Dil Jee Le Zara (2014) in which Sangeeta Ghosh's Saanchi was seven years older than Ruslaan Mumtaz's Dhruv, and that formed the main conflict. Eventually, the couple not only married but also became happy parents. Of course, as per desi heroine pre-requisites, Saanchi, while refreshingly cheerful and mature, was painted in pure white strokes of a physically and morally beautiful beti, unmarried at 34 mainly due to familial responsibilities. Trogneux on the other hand, was married when she first met the 15-year-old Macron at the age of 40. Easier to blame her.
Ageism also comes from our conditioning, according to clinical psychologist and cognitive behaviour therapist Laura Vaz. In earlier times, it was pragmatic for the man to be older since he was the bread-winner, and the woman was second fiddle. She needed an older spouse to 'look up to'. That has changed with women demanding dignity for their roles as homemakers and fighting for equal rights at work… "but the cultural belief has stuck," she says.
The Graduate created a social revolution in cinema in the late 1960s
The cougar on celluloid
Popular culture doesn't make things easier. Starting from the ageing actress obsessed with a younger opportunistic man in Sunset Boulevard (1950) to the iconic seductress, Mrs Robinson, who lures the apparently hapless Ben in The Graduate (1967), to our own BA Pass (2012) with its poster featuring the much-married heroine sporting a bra and horrors, smoking, while a teenage boy lounges in her bed — the older woman is usually seen as a sexual predator. As clinical psychotherapist Alaokika Bharwani puts it, "If the man is over 10 years younger, it's assumed that it must be a sexual relationship. 'Companionship' is never taken into account, and it's sad because no one speaks of her desperation for an emotional connect." Vaz talks of how this narrow mindset leads to assumptions around the relationship. "That's how stories get created that something must be wrong with the man; maybe, he's looking for a mother figure, or perhaps she pays his bills," she says.
What does she want?
Bharwani gives a more realistic idea of what an older woman possibly seeks in her relationships. "A woman above 40 is mostly financially stable and doesn't 'need' a man to provide for her. She's perhaps been married, has children, and is emotionally mature. She mostly wants companionship to feel invigorated, which doesn't come her way from men her age. So, she enjoys the playfulness of a younger man," she says. As for the younger man, being with an older woman is often relieving since she is past the age of unreal romantic expectations, and doesn't want him to 'complete' her. He can be himself.
Alaokika Bharwani
But relationships are difficult to sustain especially if the age difference is between his 20s and her 30s. As Vaz points out from the cases she has dealt with, usually in a May-December relationship, it is the man who leaves and the woman ends up feeling hurt and used. Vaz adds that there could be an element of unpleasantness peculiar to this sort of relationship. "If the man isn't as financially stable, and she sort of takes care of him, the woman seldom has a problem but the man could feel emasculated," says Bharwani, adding that the biggest undoing for such couples is judgement.
Vaz cites the example of a couple where the woman was 64 years, while the man was 31. In therapy, she made it clear that they had to decide if they were in it for the long haul. "He was as old as her son, and people would look down on them, isolate them and yet not leave them in peace. I said this was what they were getting into. My sessions would help them get stronger, but they had to know that the dice would be stacked against them." Despite being in love, the couple broke up.
Meanwhile, since their coming out as a May-weds-December couple, the Macrons have faced criticism head-on; that he was elected as President is also a positive sign. Back home too, Vaz and Bharwani feel millennials are less judgemental and accepting of such relationships without going into debunked Freudian explanations. Both feel that we are becoming a more civilised society.
Here's to love and companionship for older women without the unfair labels. Or maybe create a male counterpart. Trump effect, anyone?
POPULAR CULTURE:
How to navigate the world of dating profiles? Experts share their wisdom
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am looking for a sapiosexual guy." That's the line, which ran below the photograph of a gorgeous woman, on writer Jaidev Hemmady's Tinder page. Chancing upon it a few months ago, Hemmady had two options - either swipe left or right. He chose the latter. Why? "I had never heard the word before. It immediately aroused my curiosity," the 35-year-old recalls. Thinking of it now, Hemmady tells us it was probably his most foolish decision ever. "When we did begin to converse, I asked her what she meant by sapiosexual," he says. She said it was "fascination for intellectual men". "So, would she choose an average-looking man with the IQ of a rocket scientist?" To his surprise, the girl typed in a 'NO'. "He has to be both, handsome and smart," she insisted.
One possible reason for this artifice in vocabulary could be the nature of online dating. Here, as everywhere else, first impressions matter. Only last week, IllicitEncounters.com, UK's leading dating website for married people, released a survey after analysing four lakh profiles, where it threw a few words of caution when describing oneself on dating apps. While words like 'confident' and 'honest' earned a good score, 'shy' and 'happy' were major put-offs. With technical details playing a key role, relationship coaches are now being roped in to add finesse to people's dating profiles. When we enquired, most coaches claimed that 50 per cent of their clients were currently investing in online image building. The rules may differ for each, but if you want to be a smooth player in the swipe game, here's what you could do.
Ritesh Uttamchandani
Treat profile pic with kindness
Some time ago, freelance photographer Ritesh Uttamchandani was asked if he was interested in clicking profile shots for dating apps. "Some of the photos you see on these apps are horrendous, boring and repetitive," he rues. Uttamchandani, who joined a few dating apps out of sheer curiosity, says that because of the nature of his job, it wasn't hard for him to see through the sham behind the lens. According to him, there are four kinds of set images common to most profiles - the side profile, the exotic destination shot, the selfie and one that flashes a facial asset. Of the four, he advises avoiding the selfies. "Pout selfies are the worst."
If Uttamchandani is thinking aesthetics, London-based Dr Siva, who is a physician and relationship expert and runs drsivacoaching.com, says that the profile picture also reflects how serious you are about the dating game. "Larger women should not be ashamed of their body type. Men like women who are comfortable in their own skin," claims Dr Siva.
Mumbai-based Shiva, the head coach of Real Man Academy, which runs dating and seduction workshops, advises following the ABS rule. A implies having pictures that show you lead an 'active' lifestyle. B means portraying a 'bold' body language. (Example: no crossed legs). S is showing off your 'social' circle. "If there are women in your photograph, it's good, because it shows they are comfortable with you."
Nidhi Sharma
Be quirky with your bio
"Be original when describing oneself," says Nidhi Sharma (47), personal branding coach at Bon Impressions in Mumbai. "Never put up an inspirational quote in your bio. It would be stupid to believe that someone is going to date the person who scripted that quote," she says. Instead, she suggests writing something that reflects your attitude towards life. Elizabeth Sullivan, a dating coach, who runs Lovementor.com in London, advises using positive language to describe oneself. "Add some humour.
But, don't force it because people can see through it." Hemmady says, "I prefer women who don't shy away from talking about their food adventures."
Dr Siva
After you've been swiped right
According to Nidhi, a lot of men come across as being very forceful and persistent, once they've got a right-swipe from someone they have taken a liking to. "Begin with a 'hello, how are you?' even if that means sounding a tad bit formal. Let the rapport develop before getting personal," she suggests.
Also, when your 'prospective date' messages, do not respond immediately, says Shiva. "It shows you have lots of free time. At a subtle level it communicates that she/he is the only person who is texting you."
Being online all the time can also be a turn-off. "That shows you don't have much going on in your life. Especially on weekends, be completely offline. As the saying goes, fake it till you make it," Shiva says. Online dating is just a tiny window to your world. "It's a practising tool, until that door really opens," Sullivan says.
'My husband and I had sex on live webcam'
Representational Image
We have been married for 10 years, and while most people say time depletes sexual chemistry in a couple, ours has been an active and healthy sex life. Perhaps, because early on we decided that we'd try out new things. This includes making sex a part of our daily lives and trying different positions.
Both, my husband and I are 34 years old. He runs a business; I am into design. We belong to conservative Marwari families, but what happens in the confines of our home is our business.
It was last year that my husband discussed a website: Adult Friend Finder. I think he discovered it while watching porn. He told me: "This is what people are doing these days". 'This' was couples performing live sex acts in front of an online audience. My husband wanted us to give it a shot. I was obviously apprehensive. It felt weird that someone would be watching our intimate moments. But, he insisted. He said since we were husband and wife, it would be fine. If anything, it would add excitement to our lovemaking. Within a month I agreed to give it a shot.
Going online was simple enough. On the site, my husband created a profile. All he was asked was his age. No other details needed. Not even an email ID or my age. Once this is done, you can add friends to your list. Friends here doesn't mean real-life friends, but other handles from the site that you allow to watch you as audience. It's quite like Facebook with one difference - this is a sex site.
We logged in and created our own handle. We had two options - either we could go live publicly [anyone who logs in to the site can watch] or invite our friends on the site to watch. Once you are done [performing the act], the live video disappears from the site. Since ours was a private handle, people would have to request us to allow them to watch us. It was our prerogative who got the permission.
I was clear that I didn't want any Indians watching. Neither did I want to watch any Indians. And even though I hid my face by only shooting at certain angles, I was more comfortable with people who showed their faces in the videos - I only allowed those people who went live themselves to see our videos. So, most of those who watched us were white men and women - single or couples. There are obviously more men online but women are aplenty too.
When we went live, I made sure that there was nothing visible of my home or of our personalities in the frame. So, the corners we picked to shoot from were always blank corners in the house. The webcam was also angled such that our faces could not be seen, and the lighting was slightly low. We watched a few videos and we made ours follow the same pattern.
Not everybody has sex during these videos, some just indulge in foreplay. So, we would start by sitting on the couch, talking and having wine. Sometimes, we would just indulge in foreplay with our clothes on. That's it. Sometimes, the clothes came off and we had intercourse. But, never did our faces show. That was my major concern.
During our first video, we just made out while watching a movie. It wasn't an awkward experience. If anything, I was really happy after the first time, because I got positive reactions from everyone who watched the video.
My initial apprehension melted soon, and I found myself having fun. People comment as you go about having sex and most comments were about how hot, sexy and beautiful I was. The exotic, Indian thing really attracts the white. I couldn't believe some of the comments - one of them said I was the sexiest woman he had seen. It served as validation.
My husband also enjoyed the attention I got. Unlike other Indian men, who tell you to button up and don't like it if another man looks at you, my husband was happy with all the attention I was getting. And, along with me, him. He would tell me, "They all want you, but I have you." At any time that we'd go alive, around 1,000 people would be watching. We used to go online once a week.
Soon, however, the charm started to wear off, especially when comments like "Do you want to share your wife?" started coming in. I would spend all day remembering what had been said. Disgust crept in; that I had allowed so many eyes on me. I told my husband that I didn't want to do this anymore. He was irritated.
There were arguments because he was keen we continue. After seven months, I decided there was no way I was going back to doing this. He kept resisting it, but then accepted my decision.
Now we don't fight over this anymore, and still have an active sex life.
I'd say that if people are inspired to do this, they should do it sensibly. We were married so we weren't afraid blackmail or lewd comments. But if you aren't, you should watch out; you could fall into a trap. There are many people who message obscene comments and it's not easy to ignore them.
Also, do not see it as a long-term hobby. Do it for a bit if you like, and get out, or you can get addicted. Use it to get the spark back into your sex life, but don't overdo it.
(As told to Aastha Atray Banan)
Live, with no sheets
Handwriting reveals a lot about compatibility quotient in a relationship
Rushabh Shah and Srishti Doshy
Meet Srishti Doshy and Rushabh Shah. The Mumbai-based couple, in their early 20s, has been dating for six years. She is bold, and more expressive, while Rushabh believes in creating the right first impression. Srishti may not be able to face reality sometimes, whereas Rushabh is practical. What makes them click: similar traits, especially the way both want to preserve memories and find solace in being together.
Rushabh Shah and Srishti Doshy; their handwriting samples
It didn't take a heart-to-heart chat with the duo for Chetna Teckchandani to learn that they are, indeed, compatible. All she did was analyse scans of their handwriting scribbled on an unruled sheet of paper. "Your handwriting is like your DNA sample. It reveals your personality, behaviour and approach to the future. Graphology is an in-depth science, which can be used to discover yourself, as a hiring tool for corporates, and, gauge a couple's compatibility. Unfortunately, it isn't given its due in India," shares the 29-year-old handwriting analyst and graphotherapist. She learnt the science from expert graphologists Milind Rajore and Naviin Thantrii, and has been practising it professionally for the past one year.
If you're eager to discover your compatibility quotient with your partner, or learn ways to improve your marriage and relationship, get your handwriting analysed at a coffee meet that she will host tomorrow. The session, titled, One Write Stand With Your Date, presented by dating app ASAP (Astro Science Align People) and Soul Flower, is open to married and unmarried couples, and even singles who might be looking for a partner.
Teckchandani uses a combination of Gestalt and Trait methods to conduct the analysis. This includes the size of letters, pressure put into writing and each letter's knots and curves. "In graphology, each letter is assigned a meaning. Y is the letter for sex. A 'y' written without looping the end or squeezing the loop may indicate intimacy issues. On the other hand, a 'y' with a bigger-than-usual loop may mean a voracious sexual appetite," she states matter-of-factly.
Chetna Teckchandani
How your handwriting tilts also helps Teckchandani peep into your soul. For instance, she realised a client had undergone abuse when she saw that her words had a backward slant (tilted towards left). "Backward slant isn't natural, and usually, develops when you have seen something terrible, specifically from a male figure, and you take a step back. However, you cannot jump to conclusions only by assessing one element of handwriting. You need to use various permutations and combinations," shares the expert, who prepares meticulous compatibility reports jointly with Dr Anandd Manocha. She also offers grapho-therapy sessions, suggesting certain handwriting exercises or patterns to heal a person, which can be combined with counselling and positive reaffirmations.
Relationships: Is technology hurting or helping romance?
The spectrum of dating, relationships and marriage in India today is as diverse as it can possibly be. While being in a relationship of one's choice is still beyond imagination in some communities and regions, an increasing number of working professionals are now turning to technology to find fulfilling companionship. But when accepting or rejecting love seems as simple as swiping right or left, what happens to the idea of finding someone the organic way? A panel discussion on the topic, Does Technology Hurt or Help Romance? will explore the myriad facets of using technology for relationships, through four experts in the field.
Roland Mascarenhas
"With so many people migrating to cities like Mumbai for career prospects, they are seeking the help of technology to beat their loneliness," says Roland Mascarenhas of Global Shapers Community (GSC), an initiative of the World Economic Forum, which has organised the discussion. "The hook-up culture in Indian metros is unique. Given the long working hours and traffic conditions, a social life on weekdays is ruled out for many. And on weekends, people prefer to live in their own bubble of close friends. But what transpires in the world of app-based dating has an underlying human dynamic that no one usually talks about," he adds.
Naina Hiranandani
While Gourav Rakshit, CEO, Shaadi.com, will share his perspective on the relevance of matrimonial websites in the age of Tinder and Hinge, Chhavi Sachdev, creator of LSDCast, a podcast that explores love, sex and dating, will bring a media-focussed understanding of the topic. Naina Hiranandani, executive vice president of Sirf Coffee, a bespoke dating service for professionals, will discuss why finding meaningful relationships cannot be about algorithms. "Technology works best with a lot of human effort involved. We — and many modern, truly global, working Indians — believe that deep conversations cannot be had with a stranger on an app," says Hiranandani. She goes on to talk about the phenomenon of ghosting, where if someone doesn't like a person they have gone on a date with after interacting online, they simply block the person instead of ending things on a dignified note. "Thanks to ghosting, the element of closure is gone," she adds.
Simran Mangharam
Simran Mangharam, co-founder of Floh, a service that organises engaging events for like-minded singles, too, believes that the job of technology must be that of an enabler. "Finding fulfilling relationships has to be a hybrid of online and offline, where technology should facilitate the post-meeting communication instead of the other way round, where there is often a lot of disappointment in store," she shares.
Apart from the new-age matchmaking, the panel discussion will also touch upon how men and women face unique problems with technology, and if there is a need for a clear manual for the language used in such communication.
Relationships: 7 unhealthy habits that can kill sex drive
Life has turned mechanical for many of us. Long working hours, frequent official tours, bringing work home from office, and less scope for togetherness- are some factors that let our personal lives take a back seat. Also, falling prey to such a busy and tiring lifestyle, we tend to ignore our health and other priorities of life. Sex or sexual desire is something that takes a back seat when we get too much engrossed in other acts and tend to ignore personal relationships. The urge for physical satisfaction, the deep feeling of sex, the nude looks, and the naughty moments on bed drain down the mental system. Before you blame your counterpart or freak out at each other for lack of sex, click the pause button and think of reasons that can be the biggest enemies to your sex drive. Some of those are mentioned below:
1. Binge drinking: One pint of beer or a glass of red wine is fine to with a dinner platter. But, consuming several glasses of wine, whisky, or beer affect the libido and gradually kills sex drive. Couple of drinks dehydrates the body, slows down orgasm, and offers less scope for lubrication. Alcohol is also considered to be a depressant that slows down responses and brain functioning during sex.
2. Inadequate exercise: Regular exercise is the mantra to good health, which also includes great sex. Sitting steadily at work throughout the day often makes you lazy on bed too. Sitting hinders blood flow to the private parts like it does to other parts of the body. So, exercise regularly and go for a walk to boost your libido and enhance your sex drive.
3. Lack of sleep: Hectic routines often make it difficult to fall asleep. Inadequate sleep or insomnia increases the production of stress hormone called cortisol, which in turn lowers testosterone level in the male body. Women with inadequate sleep often find it difficult to engage in sexual acts and attaining orgasm. So, if you and your partner are not indulging in sex like the earlier times, then consider inappropriate sleep to be one of the reasons.
4. Watching news before going off to bed: News programs are definitely not a light show to watch before going off to bed. Debates of politicians, crime news, news on natural calamities, fluatuating economies flood the channels most of the time. Watching such shows do not relieve your day-long stress, but rather increase it. And, stress and sex simply do not mix up. So, put aside those disturbing programs, relieve your mind from stress, and head to bed with a cheerful mood. If required take a shower for refreshment. Your sex drive will automatically hit up and your bed-scene can end in a great climax.
5. Smartphone addiction: Browsing smartphones in bed is one of the biggest reasons to kill sex drive. Browsing news sites, social media pages, or online shows before sleep create a distance between you and your partner, something that you realize when the relation already turns bitter. It does not ease off your tension, but rather make you more tired and less interested in sex. Keep the smartphone away and head to bed hands-free. Only then can you use your hands for tickling and cuddling each other. Slowly and gently, your bodies will generate heat up for a superb sex.
6. Late night dinner: What you eat and when you eat affects your libido. Late might dinner delays digestion and makes you feel heavy for a longer time. Try to have dinner by 8pm or 9pm if you want to have some great bedroom moments with your partner.
7. Overeating: Keep a check on portion sizes if you do not wish to kill your sex drive and worsen relationship. While heavy snacks in the afternoon can drain energy and make you feel lethargic for rest of the day, heavy dinner can also make you go lazy and drowsy. Some food items are definitely good for sex, but ensure that it does not make you super saturated and take a toll on your physical bonding.
Maintain a healthy life and keep things like TV programs, office works and smartphones at bay to concentrate on the sensual acts to spice up your life. Get wet and keep the fun on bed going as long as you can.
Relationship: 5 alcoholic drinks that spice up your sex life
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When it comes to making a romantic night out, a glass of red wine or a bottle of champagne fits best in this category. If you believe in the old school of thought, that drinking alcohol before can worsen things on bed, then it is time for you to think otherwise. The smooth sips of alcoholic drinks can spice up things underneath the sheets. Here are 5 such alcoholic drinks that are believed to be strong enough to improve your sexual performance.
1. Red Wine: The drink makes both men and women horny by increasing their sexual arousal. While drinking two glasses of red wine can boost sex drive in women, drinking one glass is sufficient to increase testosterone in men. However, do not consume the drink in excess. Limit yourself to two glasses and experience the spice on bed, which you may not have felt otherwise. The passion drink does wonders to your cosy cuddly moments under the sheet.
2. Beer: Taking sips from chilled bottles will enhance your performance on bed. Studies have found that few pints of beer overloads a man’s body with phytoestrogens, which are proven to delay orgasm and make men last longer in the act. Dark beers are found to create intense and frequent erection and increase blood circulation in the penis. So, men can definitely go for few pints to satisfy his ladylove for a longer time on bed.
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3. Champagne: The froth and fizz of this ‘elite drink’ is blessed with an amazing property, and i.e. it enhances sex drive. Having a glass of champagne before sex is said to turn the night more romantic and exciting. It increase duration of foreplay, the number of positions and total duration of intercourse. Drink your favourite champagne and make it to the bedroom like never before. Even if the drink makes you high, you will be loaded with energy to make the night more romantic and the act more intense. That is the wonder of champagne.
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4. Brandy Alexander: This is more of a milk chocolate drink right from the other and not the actual brandy, and chocolate does spice up your sex life. Have a glass of this smooth creamy drink and get set for an out-of-the-world sexual intercourse. Rather than spending time on researching, simply take the drink and experience the difference. The clock might move slowly and steadily!
5. Tequila: Tequila shots will definitely make your sleeves fall of quickly, especially for women. Tequila shots will gear up your sex drive and bring kind of a euphoric effect, when you are all set to go wild on bed, floor, or bathroom. While tequila shots do wonders to a men’s sex drive, it is more beneficial for women. Few shots and they will be ready to slip through the body of their man, gently, warmly and passionately.
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Which of these drinks are you going to sip together for a great session under the moonlit sky?
India ranks 122nd in happiness index
Oslo: India ranked 122nd, behind terror-riven Pakistan and poorest-of-poor Nepal in the global list of the happiest countries, according to a United Nations report released on Monday.
India came down by three slots, as last year it was placed at 118th spot. It was behind the majority of South Asian Association for Regional Cooperation (Saarc) nations, apart from war-ravaged Afghanistan, that stood at 141.
Among the eight Saarc nations, Pakistan was at 80th position, Nepal stood at 99, Bhutan at 97, Bangladesh at 110 while Sri Lanka was at 120. However, Maldives did not figure in the World Happiness Report.
Norway took the top spot from Denmark as the happiest country in the world.
The Scandinavian nation, which was ranked fourth in last year's report, jumped to the top this year on the basis of several key calculations, including levels of caring, freedom to make life decisions, generosity, good governance, honesty, health and income.
Other factors by which 155 countries were measured in the annual World Happiness Report are: inequality, life expectancy, GDP per capita, public trust (i.e. a lack of corruption in government and business), and social support.
Denmark, Iceland, Switzerland and Finland round out the top five, while the Central African Republic came last in the World Happiness Report.
Western Europe and North America dominated the top of the table, with the US and Britain at 14th and 19th positions, respectively.
Syria placed 152 of 155 countries -- Yemen and South Sudan, which are facing impending famine, came in at 146 and 147.
The World Happiness Report was released to coincide with the United Nations' International Day of Happiness on March 20.
Relationships: Why casual sex is not so cool
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London: Does a one-night stand or romping without any commitment or emotional involvement sound interesting to you? If yes, please beware. Researchers have found that a liking for casual sex may land you in trouble.
The researchers found that a person's preference for casual sex may actually increase their risk of being harassed.
Also, adolescents who have been sexually harassed are more strongly inclined to have casual sex than others, the findings showed.
The results might give the impression that it is the victim's fault for being harassed, but the researchers said their findings were not intended to "blame the victim".
"Absolutely not! We're trying to understand the psychological mechanisms that underlie harassment," said Mons Bendixen, Associate Professor at Norwegian University of Science and Technology in Trondheim, Norway.
It might be that a preference for casual sex results in more sexual solicitations in general, including undesirable ones.
The study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, also showed that adolescents who sexually harass others have had casual sex more often than those who do not harass others.
They also fantasise more about casual sex and find it more acceptable to have sex without any commitment or emotional closeness.
The study included 1,326 heterosexual girls and boys with an average age of nearly 18 years. The psychologists only looked at non-physical forms of sexual harassment.
Fully 60 per cent of the girls and boys in the survey reported that they had been sexually harassed in the last year.
Around 30 per cent of the girls and 45 per cent of the boys admitted that they had sexually harassed someone one or more times.
Watching porn may make men less satisfied in relationships
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New York: Far from giving your sex life a leg-up, watching porn may lead to reduced happiness in relationships -- both sexually and generally, suggests new research.
For the study, Paul Wright from Indiana University in Bloomington and colleagues analysed the findings of 50 studies collectively including more than 50,000 participants from 10 countries.
"Pornography consumption was associated with lower interpersonal satisfaction outcomes," the researchers found.
The study, published in the journal Human Communication Research, however, found that porn viewing hardly affects relationship satisfaction in women.
"Associations between pornography consumption and reduced interpersonal satisfaction outcomes were not moderated by their year of release or their publication status. But analyses by sex indicted significant results for men only," the study said.
Male participants' porn-watching was associated with lesser happiness in their relationships -- both sexually and generally, Vocativ.com reported.
The researchers also reviewed studies looking at porn viewing and sexual self-esteem and body confidence, but they found no link.
The finding could come as a surprise for those who argue that pornography leads to unrealistic and unhealthy beauty standards.
Relationships: 4 dating facts about Indians that will surprise you!
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Women rule the dating game in India: A nationwide research undertaken by a dating app recently has revealed that a whopping 46 percent of women respondents said they are happy to take the lead in planning a date, while the corresponding number for men stood at 62 percent.
The research also suggests that even as gender roles are interchanging; more than 53 percent of the female respondents were willing to choose a fulfilling relationship over a career. Also, 48 percent women said they prefer brains over brawn, while 52 percent men prefer success over good looks. About 47 percent men and 48 percent women respondents said they are open to sharing their Facebook password with their partners.
India's youths seeking love online: Thanks to an increasing range of dating apps, majority of Indian youths are looking for love online, revealed a recent study conducted in Delhi. Experts say that the mammoth surge in the user base of these apps is being fuelled by youth's "changing narrative, thinking and preferences".
Did you watch the match yesterday? When it comes to first dates, individuals who meet each other through a match-making process in India discuss a lot of sports after the conversations on family, a survey has revealed.
The survey found that 21 percent Indian men talk about sports during their first date with a prospective match after family, which still dominates the conversation. As per the study, 14 percent of women love to talk about sports during their first meeting. The surveyors also found that for women, family still comes the first with 70 percent of them talking about it on their first meeting, only 44 percent men discuss the topic.
Indian men want women to pop the question: Traditionally, it's the guys who pop the question to take a relationship forward but an increasing number of Indian men now prefer if women make the first move, according to a recent survey conducted by a popular matrimonial website. 6,500 single Indian men in the age group of 25 to 36 across the country were studied as part of the survey.
As many as 71.7 percent respondents shared that they would like it if a woman proposed to them instead. As many as 63.8 percent of the men surveyed were of the opinion that the country's modern day women are confident enough to make the first move towards a relationship, while 36.2 percent of them said that it's hard for them to believe that a woman can make the first move because tradition has always seen men do so.
7 things to do for a happy and healthy relationship
Those in a relationship always look for the right spark and those who are willing to be in a relationship, look for the right goal. It may take years for a relationship to turn into a 'lived happily ever after' story, but it takes only few minutes to break the walls and part ways off. So for those who are looking for tips to a healthy relationship, here are seven such things you can do to make your bond stronger.
1. Put mobiles away when you are together: Now day’s social networking happens mostly through mobile phones. Keep your mobiles and social networking tools like Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp etc aside when you two are lazing around and spending quality time together. Mobile phones can bring a lot of distraction in communication. Forget the gadget world and indulge in some special talks. You will surely have a lot to share and lot to express to each other.
2. Spend less time in front of the television: It is good for couples to watch TV together, but spending too much time in front of the idiot box can shift your mind from other important things or the person next to you. When both of you are together at home, try to spend time together by sitting over a cup of tea/coffee, listening to music, engaging in romantic acts like cuddling and caressing each other, and making vacation plans.
3. Explore your culinary skills together: Love can happen in kitchen! Try to cook a dish together as it will keep both of you engaged in the same act and in the same place for a long time. In the middle of cooking, share a warm hug and a gentle kiss to make the environment more romantic and not boring. Know each other’s food choices before heading for a cooking and dining date.
4. Sit together over a cuppa in the morning: Sipping morning tea/coffee together can do wonders to a relationship. Before you head for a busy day and hectic work schedule, spend some time together in the morning and keep yourself engaged in small talks. If time permits, have breakfast together and proceed for work like usual. Keep stress and worries away, and start your day on a good and romantic note.
5. Go for a vacation: Take short vacations to bring spark to your relation. Every time you may not get a long leave from work, so head for weekend getaways or short trips. Being together on a holiday away from daily chores rejuvenates you and takes togetherness a step higher. Enjoy adventure activates, plan romantic dinners, explore local life and have a pleasant vacation together.
6. Learn to forget and forgive: Do not nag or sit over a small fight for long as it can make things bitter. If you have done something wrong, seek apology, bring some small gifts for your better half and resolve the matter at the earliest. Even if you cannot forgive at times, just let it go. Start a new day on a new and good note, because that’s the way you can heal an ailing relation.
7. Share a warm hug at least once a day: You may not head for an intercourse every night, because you may be either tired or not in mood. However, share a gentle hug at least once in a day or a small kiss to make each other feel better. Try to get close to each other whenever possible. The warmth of your gentle hug can be quite powerful to mend your relationship. Even if everything is lovey-dovey, try to retain the physical intimacy between each other.
Relationship is not always a bed of roses and only a couple can make things work for them. Avoid distraction of phones, talking about third parties, and dedicate more time to your you-and-me world.
You won't believe how sleeping together or apart can affect your health, relationship
Sharing a bed key to a healthy, happy relationship
Researchers from a reputed American university believe sleeping next to someone helps lower the stress hormone cortisol, perhaps because it encourages feelings of safety and security. They say this is why people in close relationships tend to be in better health and live longer.
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Prolonged periods of elevated cortisol have been linked with an increase in cytokines — proteins involved in inflammation that can trigger heart disease, depression and autoimmune disorders. Sleeping together has a protective effect by lowering the levels of these proteins.
Sharing a bed is also thought to boost levels of the 'love hormone' oxytocin, known to induce bonding feelings. This is traditionally thought to be released during sex, but scientists, who have examined the role of oxytocin in health have found it’s also associated with cuddling in bed and 'pillow talk'.
Oxytocin plays a vital role in aiding digestion, reveal studies by scientists from Sweden. Those with lower levels had poorer gastric motility — the process by which food is moved from the stomach to the intestines, therefore slowing down digestion.
A recent research conducted in the US recently supports this theory. 59 women, who were married or had partners to keep a diary of the number of hugs they received over a set time. The scientists then analysed levels of oxytocin in the blood. The women who’d received the most hugs had the highest levels of oxytocin — and the lowest blood pressure and heart rates. They findings showed that sharing a bed may definately improve sleep.
In another study, women in long-term stable relationships fell asleep more quickly and woke up less frequently during the night than single women or women who lost or gained a partner during the six to eight years of the study.
But, sleeping apart can be healthy too!
It has emerged that 39 percent of couples believe their relationship is healthier because they have independence in their home life, while five per cent think having separate beds or even bedrooms is one of the main reasons they are so happy together, revealed a survey conducted by a leading home insurance firm. According to the findings, one in 25 couples have even taking a lengthy “sabbatical” from each other. On an average, couples spend 22 hours together during the working week, with nearly half of all couples blaming hectic work schedules for a lack of “quality time” together.
The survey, which questioned more than 1,000 people aged 18 or over, also discovered that 10 percent of men have a “games room,” four percent of women have their own “powder room,” and five percent of people would rather spend a night in with their cat or dog than their partner. Furthermore, one in five couples (19 per cent) regularly eat their evening meal at different times, with one in 10 cooking completely different dishes from each other.
And proving that opposites attract, 15 percent of people describe themselves as the “polar opposite” of their partner, while 44 percent believe having different interests or hobbies makes for a stronger relationship. Those under 25 are the most likely age group to spend time apart, with 21 percent admitting they regularly sleep in a separate bed - followed by the over 55s, at 16 percent.
A quarter of 18 to 24-year-olds regularly go on holiday without their other halves, followed by 15 percent of 25 to 34-year-olds. But only six per cent of over 55s admit to going away without their partner.
Did you know? Sleep can enhance sexual arousal
A good night's sleep not only refreshes you for the day but also gives you an extra edge between the sheets. Each additional hour of sleep increased the likelihood of sexual activity with a partner by 14 percent.
In a study of 171 women conducted by a US medical school, those who obtained more sleep on a given night, experienced greater sexual desire the next day. Sleep was also important for genital arousal, such that women who slept longer on average experienced fewer problems with vaginal arousal than women who obtained less sleep.
On any given night, however, women who were tired ended up being more aroused the next day. But eventually, it catches up to them and their desire drops.
8 sleep positions that reveal your relationship status
Are you girls planning your first date? Here's what you should 'not' expect
What should I wear? Should I apply make-up or stay normal? Should I wear heels or flats? Should I carry a sling bag or a clutch? So many questions like these crop up in a girl's mind when they dress up for their first date. Stop worrying about all these and think the other way round. You guys have spoke earlier, knew each other’s choices and preferences (to some extent, if not completely) and now decided to meet up. So be happy and just go about it.. But wait! There are some things which girls should 'not' always expect on their first date:
1. He will pay the restaurant bill: This might be true, but not always. Do not always expect the guy to pay the bill or even if he wishes to, do take an initiative from your end also. It might look a bit awkward, but try to split the cheque. You may never know, later on if this relation works out, he might make you laugh out loud regarding the incident.
2. He will drop you home: If he comes with his car on your first date, then you can expect. But what if he does not have a car and you know it before hand? You might have to return back home alone then. Be prepared!
3. He will meet over coffee: Is every first date over a coffee table or a cup of Latte? Why can’t it be in a popular Punjabi dhaba over a cup of ginger tea? Dear girls, don’t expect your first date to be in a classy chandelier lit coffee house over a dazzling glass of cold moccachino. At times be prepared to meet him at a dhaba under a moonlit sky too. Outdoor dining does wonders at times!
4. He will click a selfie with you: Come on girls! First date does not mean the final meet before marriage. It is only about getting introduced to each other face to face. Unless and until he is bold enough, he might hesitate to do the act. So you want to take the step? Well, that’s completely your choice and depends on the situation too.
5. He will compliment your gorgeous dress: This might happen over time but not always on the first date. You need to hold on your nerves ladies! Once the date works out, then over time your guy will overload you with compliments. Walk in casually and things might work out.
6. He will talk about your past relationship: Why do you want to spoil the first meet by talking about the bitter past? In case you guys are already aware of each other’s past, then postpone the discussion for future. The first date is all about a romantic evening, a warm welcome, a delectable dinner and a cool conversation ending with a sweet 'bye-bye' note.
7. He will only do the ice-breaking session: Your instinct may be to ask a bunch of questions to get him to open up, but it might feel like a college admission interview. Still, keep the conversations going, don’t worry about silences. You can keep any topic like what’s his favourite music, is he interested in long drives and did he bully friends in college, and such funny stuff.
The day must end on a good note. Do not rush out of the car if he drops you home. Before he starts, ask him if you guys can meet over Karaoke soon. If it's in his mind too, he'll surely lean in! Blush blush! Keep eye contact while talking to the man.
Get your heels on ladies and try to make you first date the most cherished day of your life! Follow the tricks and thank us later.. :)
Relationships: 6 reasons why younger women fall for older men
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Sugar Daddy Syndrome, commonly termed as 'attraction to older men', something young women go through has been studied extensively by relationship experts...
Father figure
Older men have a mentor-like feel about them, something that women fall for instantly. Freud says it comes out of the fact that subconsciously, they find them fatherly, and for a young woman, her father is the ultimate epitome of manlihood.
Smooth operators
Older men may not be as wild as young ones, but they surely know the tricks of the trade. They know how to flatter with poetry and pun, make every stroke a master's, and charm like a gentleman things where little lads often fail.
Ready and able
Older men have had decades to work on their act, and are ready to take the plunge.
Full of surprises
Elderly men were more likely to surprise women with flowers and chocolates, as compared to men half their age.
Mr. Moneybags
Older men are financially stable, so, they can afford to shower their partners with gifts.
The romance factor
Consultant psychiatrist YA Matcheswalla says that while there is no age limit for romance, agrees that for men in their fifties, romance depends on the overall quality of the relationship. "Younger men tend to be more self-absorbed and egotistical. They can also be more insecure. But after a certain age, they tend to make more of an effort," says Matcheswalla.